Plan Ruined Comic Strips - Page 5

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View 41 - 50 results for plan ruined comic strips. Discover the best "Plan Ruined" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #retiring, #media, #vast weath, #property, #agree to be puppet, #kermit, #muppet, #lease, #Entertainment

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Dilbert sits on the couch reading with one knee bent. Dogbert stands on the cushion next to him. Dogbert says, "I'm retiring from my media empire and putting my vast wealth into real estate." Dogbert continues, "My plan is to buy all the property on earth and evict everybody who doesn't agree to be my puppet." Dilbert asks, "Can I be Kermit?" Dogbert hands Dilbert a document and says, "That's a 'Muppet.' It's all spelled out in your lease."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company vision, #business plan, #business plan blank, #confidentail, #not empiwered, #doomed, #haven't seen plan

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Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss hands him a paper and says, "Here's the company vision and business plan." Dilbert reads, "'Vision: Empowered employees working toward a common plan.' Sounds good." Dilbert says, "But the business plan is blank." The Boss says, "It's confidential." Dilbert asks, "How am I supposed to know what to do?" The Boss says, "I'll yell at you if you do the wrong thing." Dilbert says, "I thought I was empowered." The Boss says, "Don't be so literal." Dilbert turns around and says, "I'll just keep doing what I was doing." The Boss screams, "No!!! You fool!!!" Dilbert faces the reader. Dilbert asks, "We're doomed, aren't we?" The Boss says, "I don't know. I haven't seen the plan."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #attractive product, #another vendor, #stupid deciosn, #careers ruined, #contract, #loyal employees, #million units, #nice raises

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Wally and Dilbert at a conference table with a vendor. Dilbert looks at a product and says, "Your company makes an attractive little product, Jim." Dilbert hands the unit back to Jim. Dilbert says, "But we've decided to go with a vendor whose product actually works." Jim stands up suddenly, causing Dilbert's tie to fly straight up. Jim screams, "Fools!!! I'll crush you!!!" Jim continues, "I'll tell your boss you made a stupid decision!! Your careers will be ruined and I'll get the contract anyway!!" Wally says, "You can't scare us! Do you think our boss will believe a vendor over his own loyal employees?" Wally and Dilbert cross their arms and think, "Must . . . keep . . . a . . . straight . . . face . . ." Wally, Dilbert and Jim erupt in laughter. Dilbert says, "We'll take a million units." Jim says, "Take two million and I'll see that you get nice raises."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #saint dogbert, #mediate, #dispute, #computers, #desert and seek, #enlightenment, #path of computing, #plan springs, #endorsement, #contract, #end of line

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The Boss says, "I asked Saint Dogbert to mediate our dispute over what kind of computers are allowed here." Dogbert stands behind him wearing a miter and holding a scepter. Looking down from the top of a file cabinet, Dogbert raises his arms and says, "I shall go to the desert and seek enlightenment. When I return I will reveal the true path of computing." The caption says, "Palm Springs." Dogbert is at a table with a man holding a suitcase full of money. Behind the man is a woman with a sack of money. Dogbert says to the man, "You call this an endorsement contract?! Go to the end of the line!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #proposed work, #plan, #stress test, #product, #network conditions, #accomplish, #downloading, #large image files, #servers, #on net, #naughty pictures

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The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit around a conference table. Wally hands the Boss a piece of paper and says, "My proposed work plan for the year is to stress-test our product under severe network conditions." Wally continues, "I will accomplish this by downloading large image files from the busiest servers on the net." As Wally and Dilbert walk away from the meeting, Wally comments, "I was THIS close to making it my job to download naughty pictures." Dilbert says, "It's just as well; I would have had to kill you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #feels good, #fester and grwo, #micromanage, #plan, #self directed team, #team meetings, #full blown loathing

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The Boss stands in front of a conference table with an overhead projector on it. He points to a diagram and says, "My plan is to make you a self-directed team." Alice, Dilbert and Wally are at the table. The Boss continues, "After a few team meetings, the disrespect you have for each other will fester and grow into full-blown loathing." The Boss adds, "You'll BEG me to micro-manage you!! Ha ha ha!!" Wally comments, "It actually feels good to have a plan."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reorganizing, #department, #fast moving, #powerless, #micro managed, #team, #less experienced people, #g forces, #killing me, #business

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The Boss, Wally, Alice and Dilbert sit around a conference table. The Boss says, "I'm reorganizing the department into fast-moving teams." Wally responds, "Good plan. We'll never realize we're powerless, micro-managed serfs after we call ourselves a 'team.'" The Boss thinks, "I need some less experienced people." Wally says, "I feel faster already." Alice adds, "The G-forces are killing me".

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dropped everything, #career plan development, #artificial emergency, #ping pong ball, #fax

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Dilbert hands a document to the Boss, who is seated at his desk. Dilbert says, "As you requested, I dropped everything and wrote my career development plan." The Boss reads from the plan, "I plan to bounce from one artificial emergency to another, like a ping-pong ball in a clothes dryer, until one day I resign." Dilbert says, "Here I'm using humor to make a point . . ." The Boss yells, "Fax this to HR now!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mister catbert, #total compensation plan, #salary alone, #danger, #balances out, #employee benefits, #lower blood pressure, #rubbing soft belly, #trick, #health benefit

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The Boss, Catbert, Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Mister Catbert will explain our new 'total compensation plan' for excellence." Catbert says, "We no longer view compensation in the narrow terms of salary alone." Dilbert, Alice and Wally think, "Danger! Danger!" Catbert continues, "If employee benefits go up, then salaries can go down and it all balances out." Catbert lies on the table and says, "For example, did you know you could lower your blood pressure by rubbing my soft, furry belly?" Alice says, "It might be a trick!" Wally thinks, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" Wally rubs Catbert's stomach and Catbert shouts, "Ha ha ha!!! It's a health benefit! Now I'll cut everybody's salary!" Dilbert, Alice and Wally look shocked and their hair and clothing is disheveled. Dilbert says, "I've noticed that the more health benefits I get, the worse I feel."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #living document, #plan to update

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The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Wally says, "This is a living document." The Boss screams and drops the document. Alice says, "Next time, just say you plan to update it." Dilbert shakes the paper and says, "Mine's dead."