Put On Head Happy Comic Strips - Page 5
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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I'm just a one-woman kind of guy." Dilbert continues, "Some guys like to play the field. Not me. I'm happy with just one woman." Dilbert continues, "Just one. Uno. That's best for me." Dogbert says, "You can take her for rides in the Space Shuttle you'll never have either."
Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs sit on the floor across from Dogbert. Bob says, "We heard you're forming a cult. Can we join?" Dogbert says, "Hmm . . ." Dogbert replies, "Yeah . . . I could use some enforcers to help me conceal the hideous and cynical nature of my organization. You're in . . ." Bob raises his arms over his head and yells, "Yes! We made it!" Dawn asks, "Bob, should we ask about the hideous part?"
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I think you've taken your cult idea too far." Dogbert sits in a chair with a crown on his head. Dogbert asks, "Who says it's a cult?" Dilbert replies, "YOU said it's a cult!" Dogbert says, "That word has a bad connotation." Dogbert says, "I prefer to think of it as a bunch of morons who have nothing better to do with their lives."
Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. Dilbert says, "One more clever move and I will have written the perfect computer program." Dilbert throws his arms over his head and yells, "Yes!" Dogbert yells, "Spike it in the end zone!" Dilbert throws his computer on the ground and breaks it. Dogbert says, "Another failure of the sports metaphor."
Dilbert looks out the window and says, "Looks like the police found your trail, Dogbert. You'd better hide." A police officer says to Dilbert, "We're looking for a dog who destroyed half of the city. Does this sketch look familiar?" Dilbert looks at the drawing and replies, "Yeah . . . It's 'Mister Potato Head' . . . or maybe 'Ziggy.'" The officer says, "We gotta get a better artist."
Bob the Dinosaur reads the newspaper and says to Dogbert, "Here's a 'help wanted' ad for a babysitter." Bob says, "I could do that. Kids love dinosaurs." Dogbert says, "One problem." Dogbert explains, "Your species of know to be carnivorous." Bob replies, "I'll put 'strict disciplinarian' on my resume."
The caption says, "What if people had tails? First of all, it would look darned silly." A tail protrudes from Dilbert's pants. The caption says, "Only the truly unobservant would lose at poker." Dilbert sits at a table playing poker with a man. Dilbert thinks, "He's bluffing." The man's tail wags. He thinks, "Control . . . Don't wag . . ." The caption says, "Jury trials would be simpler." A woman sits in the witness stand and says, ". . . Then I found my husband dead." The judge and a lawyer stare at her wagging tail. The caption says, "And parties would be even more awkward." Dilbert talks to a man with a bandage on his head and his arm in a sling. The man says, "That's when I learned that if you drive a Porsche, you should never make fun of a man on a steamroller." Dilbert's tail wags as he replies, "Tragic . . . Really."
Dilbert: My boss asked me to supervise the department secretary. I don't really know how to manage people... Dogbert: Try positive reinforcement. Praise the things he does right. Trust him to make the right choices. Man: I forgot to write down your messages, so I just put a bunch of gibberish on little pieces of paper.
Dogbert sits on the hassock humming to himself. A man wearing a Viking helmet approaches Dogbert and says, "Greetings, Dogbert, I am the God of Thunder." Dogbert looks startled and says, "Yip!" The man repeats, "I am Thor!!" Dogbert says, "Take some athpirin." Thor reads a list and says, "We're looking for some new Norse gods to update our image. Your name came up." Thor continues, "It's the same way I got started. I worked my way up from God of Static Cling." Dogbert reads the list and says, "Hmm . . . 'God of Velcro' looks interesting." Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock with a towel wrapped around him. Dogbert says, "Don't laugh. I put your name in for God of Mayonnaise."
Dilbert stands at a desk and Dogbert sits next to a telescope. Dilbert says, "According to my calculations, the asteroid 'Sagnorpt' will collide with earth in 2.3 minutes." Dogbert covers his eyes and screams, "We're all gonna die!" Dogbert hugs Dilbert's legs and shouts, "I'm sorry about all of those bad things I've done to you!" Dogbert cries, "I renounce my evil ways! I dedicate the remaining minute of my life to the poor!!" Dogbert says, "Waitta minute . . . Why aren't you groveling for salvation?" Dilbert replies, "The asteroid is only the size of a golf ball." There's a large crash. Dilbert lies on the floor after the asteroid hits him on the head. Dogbert says, "I probably shouldn't try to read too much into this."