Ratbert The Consultant Comic Strips - Page 5
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Ratbert sits on a lab bench and asks a man in a lab coat, "What product are we testing today, Doc?" The doctor replies, "We'll be testing the safety of cosmetics. This will be your most dangerous assignment." Ratbert walks outdoors wearing eye makeup and blush. People yell, "Hey baby!!" and "Whoa!! Whoa!!" Ratbert thinks, "Sometimes I hate this job."
Dogbert's lawyer says, "I call Ratbert as my first witness." Ratbert sits on the witness stand. The attorney asks, "Is it true that Dilbert is a secret cat lover who often betrayed the trust of his faithful dog?" Ratbert replies, "It's true." Ratbert continues, "I often found him alone drinking root beer and reading 'Cat Fancy' magazine in his underwear . . . It's a sickness."
Ratbert and Dogbert sit on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I've been using false humility to weasel compliments out of people . . ." Dogbert continues, "But I know YOU're way too smart to fall for that trick, Ratbert." Ratbert replies, "Actually, I'm as dumb as toast." Dogbert says, "Then I found I could use false compliments to make people insult themselves."
Dilbert sits in his chair reading and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs reading. Ratbert asks, "Why does Dogbert always get to sit on your legs and I never do?" Dilbert replies, "Because Dogbert is my best friend and you're just a disease-carrying vermin." Ratbert thinks, "Maybe this isn't the time to launch my 'family hug time' concept."
Dilbert sits at his desk and Ratbert stands on the desk. Ratbert says, "Forget Dogbert; I can be your new best friend!" Ratbert continues, "Rats are twice as good for cuddling and you should see me catch a frisbee!" Ratbert points to his head and says, "Here, scratch behind my ears. You'll find me most appreciative!" Dilbert says, "You sound like me on a date."
Dilbert sits at his desk. Ratbert says, "I've developed a plan to make you pity me and then welcome me in your family." Ratbert shows Dilbert a roll of toilet paper with a face drawn on it. Ratbert says, "I built Timmy the Toilet Paper Man. Timmy will be my only friend. It will be so pathetic that you will have to love me." Ratbert shows Dogbert an empty roll of toilet paper and says, "Dilbert seems to have very little respect for Timmy."
Ratbert and Dogbert stand on the sidewalk. Ratbert stomps on a bug and says, "The mighty hunter strikes his wily prey!" Ratbert continues, "The hunter is awash in manly hormones. He has mastered his sport and conquered one of nature's best." Ratbert says to Dogbert, "I used to feel guilty about this until I realized it's a sport."
Dogbert sits on the hassock laughing. Dilbert says, "I know you're only trying to make me THINK you've played a prank on me!" Dilbert says, "Well, two can play this game, my friend." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the hassock laughing maniacally. Ratbert enters and asks, "Is this a bad time to visit?"
Dilbert sits on a pillow listening to the radio. Ratbert walks in and says, "I'm having a crisis of self image." Ratbert asks, "Do I, as a rat, add any value to the world? Or do I simply deplete its resources, then die?" The musical notes coming from the radio stick to Ratbert's body. He says, "Oh . . . Sorry . . . I sucked all the music out of the room."