Running Water Comic Strips - Page 5
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Dilbert treads water. A dolphin says to him, "Some dolphins in my situation would help you get to shore safely." The dolphin says, "Others might try to distract you while an accomplice played a cruel joke." Another dolphin swims up behind Dilbert. Dilbert yells, "Come back here with my trunks!!!" One dolphin holds Dilbert's swimsuit in his mouth. The other dolphin says, "Let's asks the humming fish to do the 'Jaws' theme song."
Dilbert sits at a table with a man. Dilbert says, "We like to ask our applicants some questions that will allow us to see how you think." Dilbert asks, "If you have a five-gallon bucket and a fifty-gallon bucket, how can you tell which one holds more water?" The man beats his head with his fists and says, "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Dilbert says, "When I said, 'See how you think,' what I meant was . . ."
An attendant says to Dilbert, "This taxi is yours. Here's a description of how he'll cheat you." Dilbert sits in the back of the taxi cab and says, "It says you'll be running the meter despite the flat rate. Then you'll feign poor language skills when I question you." The driver looks crazy. Dilbert says, "I can't fault your efficiency, though." The driver hits a bicycle and a pedestrian.
Ratbert stands on a desk looking at a glass of water. He says, "A pessimist says the glass is half empty. An optimist says it's half full." Dilbert asks, "Did you put your lips on my glass again?" Ratbert says, "And the engineer says . . ." Dilbert says, "It's a good thing I put half of my water in a redundant glass."
Wally tells the Boss, "I have a great idea to save money." Wally enter the Boss's office and continues, "We can make the photocopier ink last longer by adding water to it." The Boss asks, "Wouldn't that make the copies too light?" Wally replies, "Ordinarily, yes. But we can compensate by setting the copier to 'darken.'" Wally says, "You'll need someone to implement this idea . . . Let's see." Wally says, "Hey, how about Dilbert? He isn't doing much work lately." Wally continues, "I'd do it myself but there's no reason to waste a creative thinker on an implementation task." Dilbert asks Wally, "Are you still mad that I got a bigger raise than you did?" Wally replies, "No, I found a creative way to deal with it."
The Boss walks by Dilbert, who follows holding a piece of paper and says, "Can you explain how the company's new "Statement of Core Values" will change my behavior?" The Boss sits down at his desk. Dilbert continues, "I was planning to poison the town's water supply. But wait! It's against our core values!" The Boss says, "Is your sarcasm absolutely necessary?" Dilbert checks the document and says, "Let me check. Hmm... it's not addressed."
Wally and a vendor are eating lunch at a restaurant and are looking at the menu. Wally says, "Do you realize this is our third date?" The vendor (a woman) says, "We're not dating. I'm a vendor and you're my client." The vendor says, "You always say the only time we can meet is during lunch. That way I'm obligated to pay for it." The waitress brings them glasses of water. Wally says, "You're feisty. I'd better get the oysters." The vendor makes an angry grimmace and thinks, "Make sale first. Then kill client."
Dilbert and Dogbert look out the window. Dilbert says, "Uh-oh. All of the stupid people you've insulted have formed a mob and surrounded our house." The in-duh-viduals hold signs that say, "Down with Dogbert." One says to another, "We don't have to take this abuse.. let's see how long he can survivce without water!" Dilbert says, "They're taking turns putting our hose in their mouths. I think they're trying to drink all of our water."
CAption: A mob of stupid people attack Dogbert's house. One in-duh-vidual says, "Our plan to drink all of his hose water isn't working." Another in-duh-vidual has a garden hose in his mouth and looks as if he is about to burst. The first in-duh-vidual says, "Hey, careful! You're getting water all over the grass..." Another person says, "Wait, that gives me an idea!" Dilbert reads the newspaper. "How's the attack going?" Dogbert replies, "They tried to ruin our lawn by spraying water on it. But now it's turned into a hose fight."
An instructor says, "Never be in the same room as a decision." A diagram labeled "Decision" shows a person running and the label, "You." The Boss and two other pointy-haired managers sit and listen. The instructor says, "I'll illustrate my point with a puppet show that I call..." The instructor holds two hand puppets and says, "Journey to Blameville, starring Suggestion Sam and Manager Meg."