Science Fiction Comic Strips - Page 5
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108 Results for Science Fiction
View 41 - 50 results for science fiction comic strips. Discover the best "Science Fiction" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday April 06,
2002
Tags #safety tip, #bend knees, #bang head, #art or science
Transcript
The Boss types, "Safety Tip of the Day:" The Boss continues typing, "Always bend your knees when banging your head against a wall." The Boss thinks, "I can't remember if managing is an art or a science."
Friday May 09,
2003
Tags #revenue estimates, #research, #too late, #higher revenue, #stress, #flashlight, #eyes, #science
Transcript
The Boss pokes his head in to Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Double the revenue estimates and make sure the research supports it." Dilbert responds, "But.. but... it's too late! The research is done, and it won't support higher revenue!" Dilbert is sitting on a doctor's table, shivering. The doctor flashes a light on Dilbert's face and says, "Your stress is from a combination of drive-by- management and a flashlight in your eyes."
Monday May 24,
2004
Tags #science of fengshui, #technical merits, #witch doctor, #astrologer, #cutomer
Transcript
Visiting a customer "Our office was designed with the science of Feng Shui." "Should I describe the technical merits of our product or will you be consulting with a witch doctor?" "Oops. Sorry. That one snuck up on me." "He's an astrologer, not at witch doctor."
Sunday August 29,
2004
Tags #employee attitude survey, #bigger bonuses, #happy, #money, #lie, #no lying, #surveys, #science, #new couch
Transcript
The Boss: Our bonuses will depend on the results of the employee attitude survey. If we boost our morale rank, we'll get bigger bonuses. get it? all you have to do is say you're happy and you get money. wink wink wink Dilbert: you want us to lie? No-o-o-o! Heaven forbid, absolutely no lying, But if you did lie, Imagine the things you could buy with that money, I'll hand out the surveys and you can let your conscience guide you. Dilbert: Is "para dise too over the top? Wally: Im going to lie me up a new couch!
Thursday October 14,
2004
Tags #highly prodcutive, #useless guy, #employee abseteeism, #stats, #analysis, #disk storage, #science
Transcript
The highly productive but useless guy Heres a copy of my white paper. Its a statistical analysis of the correlation between disk storage and employee absenteeism. I oddment know how to do statistics but ut doesn't matter because I didn't have data.
Sunday November 19,
2006
Transcript
First Date "Do you feel like doing some conversation?" "Okay. I love talking." "Do you like politics?" "No." "Science and technology?" "Not really." "War?" "No." "Sports?" "No." "Current events?" "No." "What's left?" "I like to talk about my hair." "Um...okay, we can try that." "This brown is a browner brown than I wanted." "Right. Are we done with hair?"
Monday January 22,
2007
Tags #evil director, #human resources, #scientist, #planet zorp, #technolgies, #engineers, #transfer knowledge, #work, #fabric covered container, #business, #science
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Scientist: I am a scientist from the planet Zorp. I bring you technologies beyond your imagination. All I ask is that you let me work with your engineers to transfer this knowledge. They think 'work' means sitting in a fabric-covered container.
Wednesday July 16,
2008
Tags #management, #moral compass broken, #nun, #ceo, #scientist, #burning building, #bidding war, #science
Transcript
Catbert says, "I can't put you on the management fast track until I confirm that your moral compass is broken." Catbert says, "A nun, a CEO and a scientist are in a burning building. You can only save one of them. Which one do you save?" Dilbert says, "Is there time for a bidding war?" Catbert says, "Oh, you're good."
Saturday April 11,
2009
Tags #dating, #flirting, #dinner, #afraid, #confused, #yelling, #relationships
Transcript
Woman says, "You're not my type. Why am I attracted to you? How did you do this, you monster!" Dilbert says, "In troubling economic times, my financial stability appeals to your survival instincts. It's basic evolution." Woman says, "Gaaa!!! That made me bored and aroused at the same time!" Dilbert says, "Science!"
Wednesday September 09,
2009
Tags #analysis, #idea, #suggestion, #complaining, #Advice, #greed, #science
Transcript
Dilbert says, "According to my analysis, all future ideas are already covered by over-general patents." Dilbert says, "Our best strategy is to get out of this business and become trademark infringement lawyers." The boss says, "I don't know how to be a lawyer." Catbert says, "That only matters if you take cases on a contingency basis."