Search Results for "sick kid"
Share August 08, 2000's comic on:
Sitting at his desk, the Boss thinks to himself, "I should create my own little internet start-up." The Boss continues thinking, "All I need is a business plan." As the Boss approaches Carol's desk, Carol replies "The V.C. are sick of B to B." The Boss thinks to himself, "The Vietcong are sick of breakfast in bed?"
Share March 13, 2001's comic on:
An under-the-weather Alice sits angrily as The Boss says, "I'm a bit suspicious about you calling in sick yesterday on a Monday, Alice." The Boss looks startled as Alice exclaims, "Glah!" and her internal organs fly out of her mouth. Alice says to Dilbert, "Luckily I had lots of optional guts."
Share April 25, 2001's comic on:
Alice is sitting at a conference table and thinking, "Maybe I can stave off the boredom by imagining my co-workers naked." Turning to Wally, Alice screams, "Aaagh! No-o-o-0!!!" Alice says to Wally, "No more donuts for you." Wally says, "Hey, don't even kid about that."
Share November 03, 2001's comic on:
Headline: Asok works in H.R. Catbert says to Asok, "If we eliminate vacation days and increase sick days..." Catbert continues, "Would the employees fall for our trap and make themselves sick to get days off?" Asok exclaims, "What?!!" Catbert says, "You're in H.R. now. It's okay to be evil." Asok replies, "Evil, right."
Share November 07, 2001's comic on:
Wally and Dilbert are at the coffee machine. Wally says, "I've lost two pounds since I signed up for yoga class." Wally continues, "And I never get sick anymore." Dilbert says, "You haven't had a class yet." Wally responds, "Maybe I'm some sort of yoga prodigy."
Share January 13, 2002's comic on:
Tags #engineer of the year, #fly to ny, #receive trophy, #winners, #other companies, #critical time, #name someone lese, #sick day, #sleep, #bathe, #carol, #marketing, #upside awards, #on head, #health, #business
The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, I'm naming you our company's 'Engineer of the Year.'" The Boss continues, "You'll fly to New York and receive a trophy with the winners from other companies." Alice replies, "I'm too busy. Name someone else." The Boss approaches Dilbert. Dilbert says, "That's a critical time for my project." The Boss approaches Asok. Asok says, "I'm flattered but I already have no time for sleeping or bathing." The Boss approaches Wally. Wally says, "I have a sick day scheduled for that Friday." The Boss says to Carol, "Carol, I need you to go to New York and pretend to be an engineer." Carol is standing with other guests at the award party. They have their awards on their heads; one is drinking from his. A guest says to Carol, "Why yes, most of us ARE really from marketing. How can you tell?"
Share September 28, 2002's comic on:
Asok and Wally are at the coffee machine. Wally says to Asok, "In school, I was always the last kid picked to be on a team." Alice enters and says, "I need two people right now. I'll take Asok and.. I'll keep looking." Asok asks Wally, "So it's like a super power?" Wally replies, "Pretty much."
Share March 23, 2003's comic on:
The Boss addresses a meeting, "Jimmy will explain our new marketing strategy." Jimmy says, "A study of past customers shows that 96% of them have flu symptoms." Jimmy continues, "Apparently, sick people are the most likely to buy from us. We don't know why." Jimmy points to a slide of an ill man and says, "So we redesigned our ad campaign to appeal to sick people." Alice says to Jimmy, "You're confusing cause and effect. Your study shows that our products make people sick." Jimmy responds, "Alice, let's not reinvent a dead horse." Alice panics and says, "Suddenly nothing makes sense.. I must have slipped into the meeting duh-mension!" Alice leans back in a daze and says, "Floating.. Scared.. Darkness." The Boss says, "This usually lasts about 10 minutes."
Share August 11, 2003's comic on:
Share September 28, 2003's comic on:
Tags #employee moral survey, #open, #honest, #communication from management, #death spiral, #looting comaony, #noise, #fishing lures, #e, #ploys suffer, #boss likes hurting, #sick boss, #negative force
"I have the results of the employee morale survey." "The number one issue is 'not enough open and honest communication from management.'" "Well, okay. I'm willing to give that a try." "Management is looting the company while hiding the fact that we're in a death spiral." "Whenever you talk, I think about fishing lures until the noise stops." "When I see an employee suffer, it excites me in ways I don't understand." "On nine separate occasions I've fired bald guys because I thought they were you." "If this doesn't work for you. Let me know on next employee morale survey."