Starts Monday Comic Strips - Page 5

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View 41 - 50 results for starts monday comic strips. Discover the best "Starts Monday" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #late worker, #coffee and bagel, #starts late, #woman, #worked 6am, #paid same, #smarter, #casual brillaince

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Wally is walking past Alice's cubicle. Alice calls out, "You're coming to work at nine-thirty?" Alice walks over to Wally and says, "By the time you get your coffee and get your bagel, it'll be ten o'clock!" Alice continues, "I started at six! I've already worked for four hours, and I'll probably stay late!" Alice continues, "Over the course of a lifetime, I'll work twice as much as you!" Alice realizes, "But... we'll be paid the same... and we'll both die anyway." Alice continues, "So.. I guess what you're saying is that you're smarter than I am." Alice yells, "I curse the casual brilliance of your life strategy!!!" Wally walks away and thinks, "My bagel will be extra tasty today."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #disappointing people, #meeting start late, #answer is misleading, #deadline ignored, #work is shoddy, #empthy, #blocking view of wall

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Dilbert: "Lately, every person I deal with seems to disappoint me." Dilbert: "Every meeting starts late, every answer is misleading, every deadline is ignored, and all work is shoddily done." DIlbert: "I guess what I'm saying is that today I need some empathy." Dogbert: "You are totally blocking my view of the wall."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #suspicious, #nap, #evil director, #wellness program, #human resources, #business

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"Catbert: Evil director of human resources" "Have you heard about the employee wellness program?" "If you call in sick on a Monday or a Friday, your boss says, 'Well, well, well- that's very suspicious.'" "Now if you'll excuse me, I feel a nap coming on."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Did you ever come to work on Monday and realize that you forgot how to do your job? "Only a total moron would forget over the weekend how to do his job." "O-o-okay. I'm starting to remember who you two are."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I got a job at the Indian company where you outsourced my job." "Then I arranged to work from home, which, as you know, is my old cubicle." "Fine. Here's your assignment." "E-mail it to me. My day starts in 10 hours."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I'm like the story of the auto mechanic." "A woman has her car towed into the shop. The mechanic opens the hood and takes a look." "After about ten seconds he takes a hammer and taps the engine. It starts right up." "The mechanic says, 'That will be $100, please.'" Zzzzz "The woman says, '$100??? All you did was tap the engine!'" "The mechanic says, 'It's $90 for knowing where to tap and $10 for the tap.'" zzzzz TAP! "20 years ago I wouldn't have known which one of you to tap."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hiring coordinator, #projects, #starts monday, #input

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The Boss: I'd like your input on the idea of hiring a coordinator for our projects. "Terrible idea." "Waste of money." "Wouldn't help." "He starts Monday."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mandatory meeting, #health and well being, #theme of meeting, #healthy employees are unprodcutive, #exercsing, #eating fruit, #work hard and die, #feel sick, #right on schedule

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The Boss: Tomorrow is the mandatory meeting on employee health and well-being. "The meeting starts at 6 A.M. So it will interfere with your sleep and not your work." Dilbert: "Doesn't that send a message that work is more important than health?" The Boss: "I hope so. That's the theme of the meeting." "Healthy employees are unproductive." "They're always exercising or eating fruit when they should be working." "We prefer employees who work hard and die before their pensions start paying out." Dilbert: "Suddenly I feel sick." The Boss: "Right on schedule!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wally fired, #exit interview, #manipulation, #rigged system, #boss, #exploding servers

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Wally: I don't hold any grudges about being fired for hanging a comic on the wall. The company will be fine without my secret and exclusive knowledge of the critical systems. If the framistan starts to gabol, just purge the cache within sixty seconds and the servers won't explode.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget cut, #health, #bleak, #public, #poorly made prodcuts, #elevant, #organs, #still healthy, #black market

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After Budget cuts The boss: It might seem bleak now, but things will turn around... As soon as the public starts loving poorly made products that are relevant to a bygone era. In the meantime, who has organs that are still healthy enough to sell on the black market?