Success Comic Strips - Page 5

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155 Results for Success

View 41 - 50 results for success comic strips. Discover the best "Success" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2003's comic on:


Tags #website, #customer success, #closest things, #complaint letters, #few words, #kick to kiss, #change context, #reviews, #technology

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"Tina, we need some customer success stories for the web site." "The closest things we have are these complaint letters. Just change a few words." "Change 'kick' to 'kiss' and this one is done, albeit disturbingly."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 2004's comic on:


Tags #accounting system, #profitable, #manage randomlt, #claim success, #funding, #hug

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"Our accounting system is so inaccurate that we don't know how profitable anything is." "It's so bad that you could manage randomly and claim success no matter what happens." "I was looking for funding, not a hug."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2004's comic on:


Tags #product designer, #success, #best artists, #design professionals, #ate crayons, #intruders

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Product designer Dogbert: Good design is essential to you success. Thats why I empty only the best artists and design professionals. Who ate all the crayons again?! Ratbert: Intruders?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2005's comic on:


Tags #weekly wally report, #worthless iput, #harmful advice, #ignored email, #priorities, #my budget estimates, #any success, #format

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"The Weekly Wally Report is bristling with tales of success." "I gave worthless input to marketing because they weren't specific about what they wanted." "I missed Alice's project meeting because she never confirmed the location." "I gave harmful advice to the sales team because they rushed me." "I ignored my email for a week because you said to focus on priorities." "And I didn't submit my budget estimates because Asok never told me what format to ues." "How can you call any of that success??!!" "Well, I'd compare it to my written objectives, but you never gave me any."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 2005's comic on:


Tags #pre meeting, #problems, #fix them, #budgets, #deadlines, #technical stuff, #any questions, #feel nauseated, #great job, #compliments

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Let's have a pre-meeting before your meeting with our vice president. "Don't mention any problems because he might try to fix them." "Don't say anything about budgets or deadlines because he might reduce them." "Leave out the technical stuff because it will only confuse him." "That leaves me nothing to talk about." "Perfect!" "Hello... And in summary. Are there any questions?" "Wow! That's the first presentation that hasn't made me feel nauseated or dizzy! Great job!" "Why does success make me hate humanity?" "They deserve it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 2005's comic on:


Tags #business trip, #success, #civil war, #plunged, #society, #darkenes, #loot anything

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Wally: "My business trip to Elbonia was a success." "If anyone tells you that I cause a civil war that plunged their society into darkness, it's a lie." The Boss: "Did you loot me anything?" wally: "I didn't know your size."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 18, 2005's comic on:


Tags #conference call, #success, #set up, #15 people, #forgot to call in, #mute buttons, #spinning story

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Asok: The conference call was a huge sucess. "Three out of 15 people were available and only one of them forgot to call in." The boss: "So it was a phone call between two people?" Asok: "It would have been if they hadn't used the mute buttons."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2005's comic on:


Tags #minor success, #chance corporate ruination

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The project has a 70% chance of minor success and a 30% chance of corporate ruination. The Boss: I like those odds. when can we start. Dilbert: Start? I wish we had ten more projects like this one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 03, 2006's comic on:


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"You exceeded all of your goals this year." "But I can't give you much of a raise because you didn't have the appearance of success." "Um...what?" "I have to justify to management all large raises, and they don't know that you exist." "Who do they think accomplished all of my goals?" "I'll make it up to you next year." push "Who was that?" "Some vendor."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 2006's comic on:


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"How was your conference call?" "Very successful. Bill said he'd find a new supplier for the casing." "Or it might have been Ron, Ted, or Bob. They all sound the same on the phone." "I hope it wasn't Bill. He never follows through." "Ron is too overworked, Ted is a liar and Bob's a moron." "I'd say the call was a waste of time. It might even be a huge step backward." "Success is the happy feeling you get between the time you do something and the time you tell a woman what you did."