Accurate Numbers Comic Strips - Page 5

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View 41 - 50 results for Accurate Numbers comic strips. Discover the best "Accurate Numbers" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #travel expenses, #meal costs, #liar or worse, #round numbers, #finance troll, #papers, #office, #computer, #desk, #technology

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Finance troll: Your travel expenses are rejected because all of your meal costs are round numbers. Either you are a liar or worse. Dilbert: I decide what to order based on what totals to a round number after a 15% tip. Finance: That's worse.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #spreadsheet, #terrible job, #boos, #meeting, #office, #poorly conceived, #complexity of real world, #wrong cells, #numbers don't lie, #business

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The Boss: "Asok, according to my spreadsheet, you have been doing a terrible job." Asok: "Perhaps your spreadsheet is poorly conceived and does not capture the complexity of the real world." "And let's not forget the near certainty that your formulae are pointing to the wrong cells." The Boss: "Numbers don't lie."

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Dogbert consults "You need a dashboard application to track your key metrics." "That way you'll have more data to ignore when you make your decisions based on company politics." "Will the data be accurate?" "Okay, let's pretend that matters."

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I'll ask the vendor for ballpark prices to see if the idea is feasible. "You can't talk with vendors until our change control board approves the project." "But that would require a cost-benefit analysis." "And I can't do that without ballpark prices from the vendor." "Just take your best guess." "So...I should make up a number so I can get approval to make a phone call and ask what the number should have been?" "Right. But first you need to get my approval to do the cost-benefit analysis." "Will you approve it?" "I'd have to see the numbers."

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We might need to restate our earnings. "It turns out that we're not allowed to make up numbers." "Did you know that 'frillion' isn't an actual number?"

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"According to my benchmark tests, our product is the worst one on the market." "Maybe you can tweak the numbers." "Fake them?" "Fake is such an ugly word." "Just remember that your next raise depends on the sales of that product." "And mistakes happen. A decimal place can be either here or there." "All I'm asking is that you do the tests again...while drinking." "I always wondered what job satisfaction felt like."

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I got the latest numbers from Yvonne. "How's Yvonne doing with the sextuplets now that her house burned down and she had shoulder surgery?" "It didn't come up."

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We need to add a $3 component to our product to comply with federal law. "The product review committee will need a cost-benefit study before we decide." "And you know it's accurate because I used math!" Duh 100

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I can do this feasibility analysis in two minutes. "It's the worst idea in the world. Numbers don't lie." "Our CEO loves the idea." "Luckily assumptions do lie."

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"You will no longer have access to code on any server but your own." "Is it my imagination, or are all of our rules designed for the sole purpose of being huge inconveniences?" "And starting today, all passwords must contain letters, numbers, doodles, sign language and squirrel noises."