Family Comic Strips - Page 5
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150 Results for Family
View 41 - 50 results for Family comic strips. Discover the best "Family" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday May 28,
2013
Tags complaining, fear, opinion of plan, rip off arms, track down family, kill family, india, Advice, giving advice
Transcript
Asok: I'm afraid to give Alice my opinion of her plan. Dilbert: What's the worst thing that could happen? Asok: She could rip off both of my arms and beat me to death with them. Then she could track down my family in India and kill them one by one. Is this your first time giving advice? Dilbert: I just figured out why no one ever asks for it.
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Friday May 03,
2013
Tags children, ignorance (knowledge), replaced by robot, replaced by hammer, ugly, furniture, Family
Transcript
Carol: My 12-year-old wants to know what career would prevent him from being replaced by a robot. Dilbert: I've met your son, and I'm pretty sure he could be replaced by a hammer. Carol: This took an ugly turn. Dilbert: Maybe the robots can use him as furniture.
Thursday April 25,
2013
Tags choosing, Family, work ethic, work hard, anything you want, moron parents
Transcript
Boss: My parents taught me that if I worked hard, I could be anything I wanted. Alice: And you chose... this? His parents sound like morons. Dilbert: Maybe he didn't work hard.
Monday October 01,
2012
Tags candy, children, engineers, big companies, good engineering, skulk around schoolyards, nerdy loners, offer candy, Family
Transcript
Boss: The big companies are hiring all of the good engineering students as soon as they graduate. We need to start earlier. I want you to skulk around school yards and try to form relationships with kids who are nerdy loners. Offer them candy. Kids love candy. Dilbert: I don't see how this plan could go wrong.
Monday April 09,
2012
Tags Family, work from home, 2 days err week, reduce carbon foorprint, wife, small children, egg carton, talking to moron, relationships
Transcript
Boss: I want you to work from home for two days per week to reduce our carbon footprint. Employee: Nooooo! My wife and three small children are in that house. They're always mean to me. Boss: How bad could it be? Employee: Let me put it this way: I'm sitting in an egg carton and talking to a moron, and this is better.
Saturday March 31,
2012
Tags app store, created app, dream killer, first name, free apps, madonna, sell a million, mother, Family
Transcript
Dilbert: I spent four months creating this app, mom. I think I can sell a million of them for $3.99. Mom: I saw seven apps just like this in the app store and five of them were free. Dilbert: Thanks for the feedback, dream-killer. Mom: Have you ever thought of just using your first name, like Madonna?
Wednesday March 28,
2012
Tags raise, married with children, new family, benefit expenses, laser like focus, procreating
Transcript
Wally: Give me a raise or else I'll get married and have children. My new family would increase your benefit expenses and distract me from my laser-like focus on work. Boss: I will gladly pay extra to prevent you from procreating. Wally: Word it any way you like.
Tuesday November 22,
2011
Tags embarrassed of son, Family, food service industry, insult, locksmith, mother, named project manger, paying for lunch, restaurants, sons occupation, don't tell freinds
Transcript
Mom, the good news I wanted to tell you is that my boss named me project manager. Mom: Please keep that to yourself. I tell my friends you're a locksmith. Dilbert: You're paying for your own lunch. Waiter: I'm Ed. I'll be your project manager.
Monday January 03,
2011
Tags environmental issues, children, interviews, Family
Transcript
The Boss says, "Jim, our company is family-friendly and very green." The Boss says, "We're also good at setting priorities, so if I get a chance to sell your kids for a handful of carbon credits, I'll do it." The Boss says, "He was less green than I had hoped."
Saturday November 27,
2010
Tags flying monkey, supreme leadership, heir, father, son, crazy, office, Family
Transcript
CEO says, "Assemble the supreme leadership board. I am ready to name an heir to succeed me." Dilbert says, "We don't have a supreme leadership board, and this isn't a hereditary dictatorship." CEO says, "That's crazy talk." Monkey says, "Ignore him, daddy."


