Adequate Budget Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

307 Results for Adequate Budget

View 41 - 50 results for adequate budget comic strips. Discover the best "Adequate Budget" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management, #honesty, #competition, #criticism

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why are our competitors beating us on the benchmark speed tests? Do they have better engineers? Dilbert: No, they have better management. Their management probably got them the budget they needed to do the job right. I"m guessing they were helpful, instead of being useless, blamecasting time-wasters. I hear you can do a lot when you have good management. I'll probably try to get a job with a competitor. They sound great. It is also possible they lied about their benchmark results. Boss: You should have said that first!

Engineer Touches Spreadsheet

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Engineer Touches Spreadsheet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #numbers, #budget, #obliviousness, #approval, #disease, #contagious, #managers, #executives, #accuracy, #fantasy

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I approve this project based on your boss' spreadsheet calculations. His calculations must be accurate because an engineer handed them to me. Is that all you need? Dilbert: I need a hug, but I don't want to catch whatever caused all of this.

The Generic Graph

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Generic Graph - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #cost, #saving, #chart, #graph, #penny pinching, #thrift, #frugality

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The sales estimate looks like this. Alice: That looks like a chart you showed us yesterday about our travel budget. Boss: The company is standardizing on this one chart.

Incompetent Employee Budget Only

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Incompetent Employee Budget Only - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget, #catch-22, #incompetence, #funds, #lose funds, #75% competent, #cubicle

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I only have enough in the budget to hire an employee who is incompetent half of the time. But if I don't use the budget, I will lose those funds next year. Employee: And I am proud to say that I'm 75% competent. Boss: I wish I could afford that.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budgets, #deadlines, #logic, #obliviousness, #projects, #reasoning, #software upgrade, #rolled out, #estimated finish date, #same way, #failure, #on budget

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: The software upgrade will be written and rolled out in three months. Dilbert: Has any project of this complexity ever been completed by the estimated finish date? Coworker: Not yet. We're confident we'll be the first. Dilbert: Is that because you're doing things differently from all of those who went before and failed? Coworker: No. We're doing things exactly the same way as the people who failed. Dilbert: Do you see what I'm getting at? Coworker: No, not really. And we expect to be on budget. Wally: Snork!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #adequate, #avoid contact, #dance, #pride, #sing, #you are lame, #rhythm, #happy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Now, I give you the dance of the adequate. I am adequate, yes, I am. Oooh, so adequate. As long as I avoid contact with others. Dogbert: You are so lame!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #work ethic, #human resources, #feeling of inadequency, #boost company profits, #all weekedn, #adequate temporary basis, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: My job in Human Resources is to instill in you a permanent feeling of inadequacy. Your only hope for feeling good about yourself is to work feverishly to boos company profits. If you work all weekend for free, I am willing to call you adequate on a temporary basis. Dilbert: I'll take it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #work ethic, #on time, #under budget, #beleievable, #working smoothly

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: My project is coming along great. Everything is on time and under budget. Boss: Do you really expect me to believe that everything you're working on is going smoothly? Wally: No, but apparently you believe I work, and I didn't see that coming either.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #travel budget freeze, #technical problems, #fiancail targets, #satisfying customers, #sounds bad, #said outloud, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I need an exception to the travel budget freeze so I can fix an important customer's technical problem. Boss: No, because arbitrary financial targets are more important than satisfying customers. Wait... why does that sound bad when I say it out lout? Dilbert: If it makes you feel better, I wasn't listening.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #money, #obliviousness, #travel budget, #business travel, #long term profitability, #budget frozen

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The travel budget is frozen so we can meet our income estimates for this quarter. Dilbert: Is that because all business travel is a waste of time or because we no longer care about long-term profitability? Take as long as you need. Boss: Um...