Another Dimension Comic Strips - Page 5
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Boss: You remind me of another young person I hired years ago. She was full of hope and optimism and she wore a permanent smile. Her name was Alice. As time passed, she devolved into an angry, hateful creature. No one knows what caused it. Interviewee: How long did it take? Boss: About a week. Interviewee: Apparently, you're a monster who creates a toxic workplace and you lack the self-awareness to realize it! Boss: Someone broke your record. Alice: Shut up.
Coworker: I assigned three more engineers to help on your project. One is on paternity leave, one is in the hospital, and one doesn't start for another month. If there's anything else you need, please hesitate to ask.
Dilbert: Let's see what's on my "to do" list for today. Useless meeting... busywork... make misleading PowerPoint slides... and another useless meeting. Dogbert: How was your productivity today? Dilbert: I know you're mocking me.
Asok: I know it feels unimportant to be an intern to another intern, but if I ever get into a serious accident then... Coworker: I would step into your job? Asok: I was going to say your organs will be harvested to save me, but now you've made it awkward. Coworker: Sorry!
Tina: Are you the new upaid intern? Coworker: No, but that's what I aspire to be. I'm merely an intern to another intern. And I pay a resort fee just to use the restroom. Tina: At least you get valuable work experience. Coworker: Until he zips the eyeholes on the leather hood I wear in meetings.
CEO: Someone told me your presentation was confusing and unpersuasive. Dilbert: Sometimes one person's inability to understand looks like another person's inability to explain. CEO: I don't understand what you just said. Dilbert: See?
Coworker: I'm sorry I'm a few minutes late for our 10:50 meeting. Wally: We'll have to reschedule because I have another meeting at eleven. Tina: Reschedule? I'm only ten minutes late! Wally: Tell that to my 11:10.
Dilbert: My brainwave reader invention can control the nearest computer with my thoughts. Boss: Why am I seeing a video of a blurry image that looks like you slapping another blurry thing that looks like me? Dilbert: I don't think it's fair to complain about the video quality of the beta version.
Boss: Dilbert, listen carefully. I need you to... vendor... hardware... immediately. Dilbert: What? We have a bad connection. Boss: Field... the... grep... pony... budget. Dilbert: What? What? Boss: I have another call. Just ask Alice. Alice: How would I know what he wants? Leave me alone. Dilbert: I wonder how winners feel. Wally: I don't know. They never let me touch them.
Boss: We're going into the tablet computer business. And by that I mean other companies will make the product and we'll design the logo. And by that I mean we'll pay another company to design the logo for us. Alice: Can we watch?