Anything You Want Comic Strips - Page 5

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1000 Results for Anything You Want

View 41 - 50 results for anything you want comic strips. Discover the best "Anything You Want" comics from Dilbert.com.

Bring Me Solutions

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Bring Me Solutions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #solutions, #problems, #worthless, #sarcasm, #example

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boss: i want you to bring me solutions, not problems! dilbert: that's a funny way to call yourself worthless. boss: i do plenty around here! boss: but in the interest of time, i will not list any examples.

Alice Would Complain

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Alice Would Complain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complain, #managers & supervisors, #assignment, #business, #technology, #problem, #solve

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boss: i was going to give this assignment to alice, but i know she would complain about it. dilbert reading paper: i don't want it either. boss: do you plan to complain about it later? dilbert: not to your face. boss: problem solved.

Looks Like A Duck

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Looks Like A Duck - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #sayings, #duck, #update

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ceo: if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's... dilbert: a deep fake? ceo: i was going to say duck. dilbert: you might want to update your folksy sayings every century or two.

Violating Rules

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Violating Rules - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #rules, #business, #audit, #employees, #company

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boss: our internal audit found that you violated over four hundred company rules in the past year. dilbert: i'm also the only employee who accomplished anything last year. now connect the dots. boss: so you're saying we need more rules.

Incompetent Employees

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Incompetent Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #business, #bureaucratic, #employees, #incompetent, #inefficiency, #yin, #yang

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catbert: it might my imagination, but it looks as if all of our employees are incompetent. boss: we need to create a tangle of bureaucratic rules that make it impossible for them to get anything done. catbert: you want to use inefficiency to protect us against incompetence? boss: yin and yang.

Inefficiency

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Inefficiency - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #inefficient, #process, #obsolete, #market, #technology, #multidisciplinary, #systems, #fight, #fire

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alice: our internal processes are so inefficient that we can't get products to market before they are obsolete. boss: i'll create a multidisciplinary task force to look into it. alice: you want to use an inefficient system to fix an inefficient system? boss: it's called fighting fire with fire.

Employee Engagement Survey

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Employee Engagement Survey - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #underpay, #senior, #management, #accurate, #information, #engagement, #survey, #important, #underpaid

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boss: all out the employee engagement survey and make sure you lie like crazy. i don't want any accurate information to bubble up to senior management. dilbert: i've never felt less important. boss: good. that's why i can underpay you.

Magazine Article

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Magazine Article - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #publication, #salesman, #advertisement, #best, #company, #decision

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magazine salesman: our publication is considering naming your company one of the best places to work. on a totally unrelated topic, our sales team will be contacting you about buying lots and lots of advertisements. boss: and if we don't? magazine salesman: who would want to work at a company that makes such bad decisions?

Flag Me When You Are Done

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Flag Me When You Are Done - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office work, #flag, #burden, #rude, #business

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dogbert: i find it a burden to listen to you. maybe you could wave this flag to signal when you are done talking just in case i want to say something. dilbert: you are very rude. dogbert: flag me when you are done with whatever this is.

Ceo Visits

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Ceo Visits - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #ceo, #office, #questions, #visit, #eyes, #dead, #business

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dilbert: our ceo will be visiting the office tomorrow, so act busy. and don't look directly at him because i don't want him to see how dead your eyes look. dilbert: can we ask him questions? boss: no, nothing good can come from that.