Automated Phone System Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

689 Results for Automated Phone System

View 41 - 50 results for automated phone system comic strips. Discover the best "Automated Phone System" comics from Dilbert.com.

Elbonian Consultant

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonian Consultant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #consultant, #elbonia, #people, #local, #problem, #distribution, #execute, #Opinion, #barber

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i hired an elbonian consultant because we couldn't afford anyone local. dilbert: have you ever consulted in this country? elbonian consultant: no, but people are people, so i assume it isn't that different from elbonia. boss: that's enough chitchat. tell us what we should do about the problems in our distribution system. elbonian system: i recommend executing one of your distributors as a warning to the others. boss: i'm going to need a second opinion. elbonian consultant: my second opinion is that your barber must hate your guts.

Wally Prefers Systems

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Prefers Systems  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #office workers, #goals, #question, #answer, #system, #year

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: what are your goals for the year? wally: i prefer systems over goals. dilbert: okay, what are your systems? wally: none of them involve answering questions.

Vendor Not Performing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Vendor Not Performing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #vendor, #performance, #replace, #parent, #company, #subsidiaries, #sub-contract

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: we will no longer be using you as a vendor because you have not performed. vendor employee: i already knew that because you replaced us with one of the subsidiaries of my parent company. dilbert: well, at least it isn't you. vendor employee voice on phone: who do think they sub-contract that work to?

Low Self Esteem

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Low Self Esteem - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #sarcasm, #business, #self esteem

View Transcript

Transcript

tina: i have low self-esteem, but the other day i was thinking... what if i'm actually great and i just don't know it? dilbert looking at phone: you're not.

Inefficiency

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Inefficiency - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #inefficient, #process, #obsolete, #market, #technology, #multidisciplinary, #systems, #fight, #fire

View Transcript

Transcript

alice: our internal processes are so inefficient that we can't get products to market before they are obsolete. boss: i'll create a multidisciplinary task force to look into it. alice: you want to use an inefficient system to fix an inefficient system? boss: it's called fighting fire with fire.

Searching On A Phone

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Searching On A Phone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #communication, #phone, #protocol, #task, #rude, #technology, #insult, #fake

View Transcript

Transcript

tina: i have something funny to show you. just give me a minute to find it on my phone. dilbert thinking: what's the protocol in this situation? should i just sit here and stare at her pawing at her phone? i can't talk because she's focused on her task. and it would be rude to walk away. would it be an insult to look at my own phone and mentally check out from this useless interaction? tina: ah! i found it! dilbert: okay, good. tina: wait, that's not the right one. dilbert: is this why people fake their own deaths?

Dogbert's Tech Support

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert's Tech Support - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #user, #manual, #common sense

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert's tech support dogbert: yes, we know the user manual refers to the wrong product. just use your common sense to figure out what the manual should have said. voice from phone: i tried the, but it didn't work. dogbert: i can't fix your common sense!

Dogbert's Tech Support

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert's Tech Support  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #office worker, #product, #climate, #change, #Environment, #recycle

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert's tech support female office worker: i can't figure out how to use your product. dogbert: the problem is climate change. there is nothing you can do. office worker: there must be something i can do. dogbert's voice from phone: do you recycle?

Saying You Are Dumb

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Saying You Are Dumb  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #job, #change, #technology, #dumb, #imply, #product

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert's tech support ted: i can't figure out how to use your product. what should i do? dogbert: i recommend changing jobs to something less challenging. ted: are you saying i'm dumb? dogbert's once from phone: no. no. no. i'm only implying it.

Help Me With Something

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Help Me With Something - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #compensation, #system, #incentive, #budget, #limit, #smart, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

male office worker: can you help me with something? dilbert: no, our employee compensation system incentivizes me to let you fail so i can lay claim to a larger share of our limited budget for raises. maybe you could ask someone who is less aware. office worker: none of them are smart enough to help.