Body Rejected Card Comic Strips - Page 5

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298 Results for Body Rejected Card

View 41 - 50 results for body rejected card comic strips. Discover the best "Body Rejected Card" comics from Dilbert.com.

Brain Scan And 3 D Scanner

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Brain Scan And 3 D Scanner - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags replication, technology, clone, playing god, doppelganger

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Dilbert: My invention can scan the human brain and duplicate it in software. I combined that technology with a 3-D printer that makes human body parts. Boss: What does it all do? Replicant: He's getting to the good part.

Asok Applies To Be Wally's Lackey

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Asok Applies To Be Wally's Lackey - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags assistant, caffeine, coffee, croney, lackey, Promotion, vice president, upper body strength

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Asok: Now that you are a vice president, may I apply to be your lackey? Wally: If I'm being honest, Asok, I need someone with more upper body strength to carry my coffee all day. Asok: Then I said, "A Vice President's coffee can't be that heavy."

Male Parts And Nothing Can Change It

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Male Parts And Nothing Can Change It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags discrimination, fairness, money, salary, sexism, wages, Women, male body parts

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CEO: I explained to Alice why I earn more than she does, but she refuses to understand. I'm taller and I have male reproductive body parts. That's what stockholders care about, and nothing can change that. (Alice whistles as she walks with a pair of scissors and a mallet.)

Tall People And Men

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Tall People And Men - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags discrimination, frustration, money, retribution, revenge, salary, sexism, wages, Women

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Alice: How can you justify paying me less than tall people and men!!! CEO: Duh. The reason is that you are not as tall and you don't have male body parts. Alice: Can I borrow your scissors?

Dogbert Disposes Bodies

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Dogbert Disposes Bodies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dolphin, exotic pets, hit man, murder, murder for hire, russian military, killed clown, dead bodies, disposal, expert

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CEO: I bought a Russian military dolphin for a pet and it killed a party clown at my daughter's pool party. I need you to dispose of the body. Dogbert: The good news is that I'm an expert at getting rid of dead bodies. CEO: What's the bad news? Dogbert: Your dolphin hired me to kill you.

Love Me For My Mind

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Love Me For My Mind - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, love, priorities, relationships, vanilla scented lotion, mind

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Woman: I want a guy who loves me for me, and not for the way I look... or the things I do. Dilbert: That doesn't leave me much to work with. Can I love you for your money and your vanilla-scented body lotion? Woman: You could love me for my mind. Dilbert: That might have worked two minutes ago.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bad psoture, body language, comaplints, communication style, contact the dead, criticism, fear, fengshui, gut feeling, job review, psychic, rationality, threatening, whiny babies

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Boss: Alice, people are uncomfortable with your communication style. Alice: Did someone complain? Boss: No, I'm picking it up in their body language. Alice: So.. people have bad posture and that means I don't say things right? Boss: Call it a gut feeling. Alice: Ohhhh. That sounds rational. Let's toss some feng shui into the equation and maybe get a psychic to contact the dead to see what they say bout me. Or maybe everyone could stop being whiny babies! Oh, wait. I see it now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, business ethics, obliviousness, core competencies, automating things, worshipping stars quo, steve jobs, reanimated body, making lapses, fiduciary responsibility, hearing what we want

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Dilbert: I did a study of our core competencies. It seems we're very good at automating things that we shouldn't be doing in the first place. But that's not all we're good at. We're also good at worshipping the status quo as if it were Steve Jobs' reanimated body. And no one is as good at masking lapses in fiduciary responsibility. Lastly, we're good at hearing what we want to hear. Boss: So... we're good at automating things?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags competition (psychology), Men, alpha dominence, space, room space, topper, puffer fish, barely male, glad, inflate body

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Dilbert: Studies say I can increase my alpha dominance by using lots of space in the room. Topper: That's nothing. I can inflate my body like a puffer fish! Carol: At times like this, you must be glad you're barely male. Topper

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags costumes, deception, downtrodden employee, awesome person in disguise, spider eggs, bosses coffee, survive, learned, knowledge is over rated

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Boss: Hello, downtrodden employee. I am one of you, and not an awesome person in disguise. Carol: I put spider eggs in my boss's coffee in the hope that some survive and burrow out of his body. Catbert: What have you learned so far? Boss: I learned that knowledge is overrated.