Bonus Comic Strips - Page 5
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68 Results for Bonus
View 41 - 50 results for bonus comic strips. Discover the best "Bonus" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday February 24,
2005
Tags bonus, selling stuff, customer, can't pay, sociopath
Transcript
Dilbert: "Today I got a bonus for selling stuff to a customer who probably can't pay." Dogbert: "Does your soda taste any less delicious?" Dilbert: "No." Dogbert: "Congratulations, you're a sociopath." Dilbert: "It feels kinda good."
Monday November 29,
2004
Tags main prodcut, coming off patent, profits will plunge, shallowm, paid for there inventions
Transcript
Our main product is coming off patent. "Profits will plunge and so will my bonus. It's not fair." "Call me shallow. But I enjoy getting paid for other people's inventions." "SHALLOW!"
Thursday July 29,
2004
Tags hefty bonus, under budget, results, luck, project delayed
Transcript
"I got a hefty bonus for being way under budget." "Effort is no longer rewarded. It's all about results, which means mostly luck." "It's kinda funny; the only reason I was under budget is that my project was delayed." "Gaaaa!!!"
Monday July 19,
2004
Tags hairball, stock options, evil director, human resources, bous system, kindness of management, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert: stock options will be replaced with a bonus system. Dilbert: So....now my happiness depends on the kindness of management instead of the gullibility of our investors? Catbert: allow me to respond by hacking a hairball in your direction.
Friday June 18,
2004
Tags profits improving, have raise, giving raises, profits will plummet, oppression, communism
Transcript
"Now that our profits are improving, can I have a raise?" "If I start giving people raises, then profits will plummet and we'll be nowhere." "Does your bonus depend on how effectively you oppress me?" "If you don't like it, try communism."
Friday July 27,
2001
Tags bonus, did well, hiring freeze, shrink empire, hand shaking situation, hand, questioning clean
Transcript
Wally is sitting at his desk. The Boss approaches from behind with a check in hand. He says, "The company did well so you get a bonus despite the fact you did no work all year." After handing Wally the check, The Boss continues, "I'd fire you but I can't replace you because there's a hiring freeze and I don't want to shrink my empire." The Boss fidgets nervously and says, "This might be a hand-shaking situation but I don't know where your hand has been." Wally continues to stare at his check and brushes The Boss with, "Off you go."
Sunday February 18,
2001
Tags call cemter, reduce call, questions, products, interface, average call, bonus, priesthood, mistake
Transcript
THE CALL CENTER: A worker sits in front of a computer wearing a telephone headset. A woman supervisor says to him, "Carl, reduce your average call time or you're history." Dilbert holds a portable telephone in his hand and presses buttons to dial a number to the sound of "Beep beep beep beep." Carl answers the phone angrily, saying, "What?!" Dilbert says into his telephone, "I have a question about your product." Carl yells into the telephone, "Faster! Faster! Faster!" Dilbert says into his telephone, "Um... It's about the interface." Dilbert hears Carl say, "Great. Thanks." There is the sound "click." Carl's supervisor says to him, "Your average call time is way down. You get a bonus." Carl holds his bonus check and thinks to himself, "Maybe it's a mistake to do this job while I study for the priesthood."
Friday January 07,
2000
Tags bonus is 5%, don't feel bad, salary, salary differences, the boss, intern ages, inequity, allow to feel bad, money
Transcript
The boss gives an envelope to Asok and says: "Asok, your bonus is only 5% this year.Don't feel bad; I only got 5% too." Asok says to the boss: "But 5% of your salary is four times more than 5% of my salary." Asok says to the boss: "May I feel bad about that?" The boss answers: "Sure. Go wild!"
Monday April 12,
1999
Tags new bonus plan, peak perfromance, bonus, goods mine, car won't start
Transcript
The boss, Asok, Dilbert and wally sit at a conference table. The boss says, "Introducing the new bonus plan." ASok raises his hand and says, "Yes!!! I'm already working at peak performance, so that bonus is as good as mine!" Phil appears behind asok and says, "Asok, Mr. Reality wanted to visit you, but his car won't start. I'm Phil."
Saturday January 30,
1999
Tags biggest customer, missed deadline, overnight mail, evil and lazy, bonus effort, second guess
Transcript
The boss says, to Alice, "Alice, we lost our biggest customer because you missed the R.F.Q. deadline." Alice says, "That's because YOU said all overnight mail must go through your evil and lazy secretary." Alice says, "So you're probably going to apologize and give me a bonus for my effort." the boss says, "What's your second guess?"


