Budget Issues Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

375 Results for Budget Issues

View 41 - 50 results for budget issues comic strips. Discover the best "Budget Issues" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert's Project Is Unfunded

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert's Project Is Unfunded  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #forgetful, #forgetting, #money, #budget, #oversight

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I don't see my project in the new budget. Boss: Oh, right. I forgot all about you. Dilbert: That sounds easy to fix. Boss: Yup. MY problem will be solved as soon as you leave.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #climate change, #carbon dioxide, #emissions, #global warming, #environmental issues

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I invited a climate scientist to explain the risk of climate change to our company. Man: Human activity is warming the earth and will lead to a global catastrophe. Dilbert: How do scientists know that? Man: It's easy. We start with the basic science of physics and chemistry. Then we measure changes in temperature and CO2 over time. We put that data into dozens of different climate models and ignore the ones that look wrong to us. Then we take that output and run it through long-term economic models of the sort that have never been right. Dilbert: What if I don't trust the economic models? Man: Who hired the science denier?

Failing The Robot Test

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Failing The Robot Test - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sentience, #robot, #human, #artificial intelligence, #turing test, #voting, #ignorance

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Can you pass the Turing test? Robot: No. Can you pass the robot test? Boss: What's the robot test? Robot: Do you vote even though you don't understand the issues? Boss: Um... I might do that. Robot: You just failed the robot test.

Tina Wants To Borrow Dilbert's Phone

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tina Wants To Borrow Dilbert's Phone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cell phone, #property, #possession, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Can I borrow your phone to make a call? I dropped mine and broke it. Dilbert: No, I don't like other people touching my phone, or breathing on it, or reading my messages. Tina: You have a lot of issues. Dilbert: Said the person who doesn't use protective phone cases because they are ugly.

Dilbert Loses His Budget

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Loses His Budget - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vacation, #decision, #funding, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You were on vacation last week so I made decisions about your project without you. Dilbert: Oh no... what have you done? Boss: I transferred your budget to another project. Dilbert: I need that money! Boss: Oh. Can you wait until the other project manager goes on vacation?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sarcasm, #obliviousness, #future, #psychic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do these cost estimates include everything? Dilbert: Yes, because I know what happens in the future. I didn't think I could accurately predict the future until you trusted me to put this budget together. I thought there were too many variables to know how things will turn out. But I defer to your superior opinion. Wait... I'm getting another message from the future. It says to raise the software budget by nine dollars. Boss: Okay, that sounds right. Dilbert: Of course it does. Trust your instincts.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job, #scope, #negotiating, #engineer, #demands, #failure, #stress, #business, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We need to cut our budget. Go to all of our vendors and tell them to reduce their prices. Dilbert: Why would they do that for us? Boss: Tell them we'll buy from someone else unless they do. Dilbert: That's what we told them to get the prices we have now. I'm an engineer, not a professional negotiator. Your plan has failure designed into it. Your poor leadership already has me on the edge of madness. This could push me over the edge. Boss: And I need it done by Tuesday.

Oxygen Not In The Budget

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Oxygen Not In The Budget - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #space flight, #astronaut, #oxygen, #breathing, #leadership, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm happy to announce that we launched our company's spaceship to Mars. We only had enough in the budget to give them oxygen for three-quarters of the trip. So I told them to breathe smarter, not harder. It's called leadership.

Cartoonist As Spokesperson

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cartoonist As Spokesperson - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #spokesperson, #embarrassment, #celebrity, #promoter, #product

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're looking for a celebrity spokesperson, but we don't have much budget for it. All we can afford is a cartoonist. Can you do the job for $75? Scott Adams: Deal! Boss: Have you ever done anything on social media that would embarrass us? Scott Adams: I thought that's what it's for.

Don't Escalate

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Don't Escalate - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #laziness, #challenge, #help

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I need to escalate an issue to you. Boss: No. Get it away from me. I don't like issues. Especially the hard ones. Dilbert: Thank you for all the nothing. Boss: Shoo! Go!