Charge Me Same Comic Strips - Page 5

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473 Results for Charge Me Same

View 41 - 50 results for charge me same comic strips. Discover the best "Charge Me Same" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ted Might Drop Dead

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Ted Might Drop Dead - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 2017's comic on:


Tags #health, #monitor, #fitbit, #wearable tech, #heart attack, #diseases, #death, #prediction, #medical

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Boss: Ted, your performance is poor. I need to let you go. Ted: Is it a coincidence that you're firing me at the same time my employee health monitor detected cardiovascular disease? How good are the predictive analytics on this? Boss: Don't make lunch plans.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 15, 2017's comic on:


Tags #memory, #notes, #forgetting, #reminder, #forgetfulness

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Dilbert: Can you review the project plan in the shared folder before Monday? Man: Absolutely. Dilbert: I don't see you making a note to remind you later. Man: I'll remember. Dilbert: How many other tasks are you trying to remember at the same time/ Man: About seventy. Dilbert: And yet you will remember this one? Man: Have some faith, Wally. Dilbert: My name is Dilbert. Man: What were we talking about?

Being Ineffective

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Being Ineffective  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2017's comic on:


Tags #negotiating, #haggle, #training, #conference, #skills

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Boss: Why are we paying so much for this software? Dilbert: Because you didn't let me take a class on negotiating like I asked. Boss: Are you using this as leverage to get approval for the class? Dilbert: No, I'm just being ineffective. Does it look the same?

Dilbert Might Have Lied

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Dilbert Might Have Lied - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 2017's comic on:


Tags #rumors, #sources, #journalism, #accusation

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Man: I heard you lied about moving the server rack. Dilbert: It isn't true. Man: I heard it from several sources. Dilbert: Each of them heard it from the same source, who was wrong. Man: With that much smoke, there must be a fire. Dilbert: Yes, but it's coming out of your ears.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 17, 2017's comic on:


Tags #argument, #anger, #frustration, #trolling, #needling

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Dilbert: And that's how much money the new system will save us per year. Man: Apparently you don't care how much it costs because you're an ignorant narcissist. Dilbert: I talked about the costs in great detail. What's wrong with you? Man: Oh, I guess you're walking it all back now. Dilbert: There's nothing to walk back. I'm saying the same thing I said earlier. Man: Nice try, hypocrite! Dilbert: I don't know what is happening right now!!! Man: Why is he so defensive? Boss: He's losing it.

Wally Pretends To Work

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Wally Pretends To Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 2017's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #work ethic

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Wally: If you need me, I'll be at my desk pretending to work. Alice: How long do you think you can get away with that? Wally: I wondered the same thing for the first fifteen years or so.

Dilbert Does Nothing Useful

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Dilbert Does Nothing Useful - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 03, 2017's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #meaning, #meaningless, #motivation, #laziness

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Dilbert: All I did today was create a bunch of PowerPoint slides that no one will understand. But I got paid the same as if I had done something useful. Is this the first stage of becoming you? Wally: If you're lucky.

Asok Is In Charge Of Cubicle Move

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Asok Is In Charge Of Cubicle Move - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 2017's comic on:


Tags #office, #office workers, #cubicle, #popularity, #power

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Boss: Asok, I"m putting you in charge of deciding who gets which cubicle after the office redesign. Asok: But... everyone will hate me for deciding who gets the best cubicles. Boss: Try to see it as an upgrade to your current situation of no one caring about you. Asok: That helps a little.

Be Creative With Funding

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Be Creative With Funding  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 2017's comic on:


Tags #budget, #creativity, #funding, #money, #progress, #trick

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Dilbert: I couldn't do any work this week because you forgot to ask for funding for my project. Boss: Stop making excuses. Be creative. Ted: Why do you want to know my project charge code? Dilbert: Just curious.

Wally Is Either Lazy Or Wise

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Wally Is Either Lazy Or Wise - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 2017's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #genius, #work ethic, #efficiency

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Woman: Can you do that by end of day? Wally: It would be smarter to wait until we have the final specs. Woman: I can't tell if you're lazy or wise. Wally: It's all the same thing. Woman: This is a weird gray area. Wally: I'm going to take a quick nap to boost my productivity.