Check Software Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

427 Results for Check Software

View 41 - 50 results for check software comic strips. Discover the best "Check Software" comics from Dilbert.com.

Traffic App

Thank you for voting.
Traffic App  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2017's comic on:


Tags #excuses, #lying, #app, #technology, #busted, #caught

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Sorry I"m late. There was a big accident on the freeway. Boss: Not according to my traffic app. Wally: Just out of curiosity, what types of excuses are impossible to check with an app?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 22, 2017's comic on:


Tags #morals, #blame

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Don't finish the software patch. We're replacing the entire system. Man: Why didn't you tell me sooner? Dilbert: I just found out. Man: While you were standing here. Dilbert: Um, no, I was standing somewhere else. Man: When? Dilbert: Twenty minutes ago. Man: Aha!!! You wasted twenty minutes of my time because you're a terrible person! Dilbert; I'm sorry. Now I feel awful. Man: You're just lucky I forgot to work on that patch.

Being Ineffective

Thank you for voting.
Being Ineffective  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2017's comic on:


Tags #negotiating, #haggle, #training, #conference, #skills

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why are we paying so much for this software? Dilbert: Because you didn't let me take a class on negotiating like I asked. Boss: Are you using this as leverage to get approval for the class? Dilbert: No, I'm just being ineffective. Does it look the same?

Software Is Never Finished

Thank you for voting.
Software Is Never Finished  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2017's comic on:


Tags #managers, #deadline, #guidance, #lying

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Is the software finished? Dilbert: Software is never finished. Boss: Did you fix all of the bugs? Dilbert: There's no way to know. Boss: I can't manage you if you don't learn to lie. Dilbert: Okay, the software will be perfect in 2.3 days.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 2017's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuses, #motivation, #projects

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to add a feature to the software. Wally: That would be outside the scope of the project. Boss: Yes, but I'm your boss and I'm telling you to do it. Wally: You also told me to only do the things that are documented on the project specs. Boss: Okay, just change the documentation and then do it. Wally: If I do that, the project will be late and over budget. Boss: How many excuses do you have for not doing work? Wally: I'm just getting started. This feature will never work with the others.

No Dumb Questions

Thank you for voting.
No Dumb Questions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 2017's comic on:


Tags #question, #answer, #binary, #coding, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I have a dumb question. Dilbert: There are no dumb questions. Boss: When you delete software, where do all the zeroes and ones go? Dilbert: I stand corrected.

Scientists Confirm We Are Simulations

Thank you for voting.
Scientists Confirm We Are Simulations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2017's comic on:


Tags #reality, #simulation, #aliens, #alternate universe, #perception

View Transcript

Transcript

News: Scientists confirmed that our reality is actually a software simulation created by an advanced civilization. Dilbert: That makes no sense unless the advanced civilization is a bunch of psychopaths who like to see us suffer. Catbert1: One of the idiots in our simulation is insulting us. Catbert2: I'm going to break his phone screen.

No Calendar Needed

Thank you for voting.
No Calendar Needed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 26, 2017's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #calendar, #excuse, #avoidance

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Do you have time to check my design? Wally: Let me see. Nope. Man: Did you just check your calendar? Wally: With my system, I don't need a calendar.

Wally's Excuses List

Thank you for voting.
Wally's Excuses List - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 2017's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #work ethic, #laziness, #excuses, #avoidance, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Work got a lot easier after I compiled a list of all my best work-avoidance excuses. Man: Wally, can you attend my project meeting? Wally: Well, let me check. Man: I haven't told you when we're meeting. Wally: That matters less than you think it should.

Wally's Dental Excuse

Thank you for voting.
Wally's Dental Excuse - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2017's comic on:


Tags #excuses, #laziness, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Wally, I need your input on my project plan. Wally: One moment, please. I have to check my spreadsheet to see which excuses I already used with you. Tina: I'll need a good one to get past my anger. Wally: Hmmm... maybe something dental.