Computer Monitor Comic Strips - Page 5

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687 Results for Computer Monitor

View 41 - 50 results for computer monitor comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Monitor" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #dying, #death, #health, #health tracker, #heart rate monitor, #ads, #scare, #fitbit, #smart watch, #medical

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Boss: The health sensors and predictive algorithms you built into our smart watch are too good. People are freaked out because it sends alerts to their phones when they have five minutes left to live. Dilbert: Isn't that useful? Boss: It was, until we started sending paid ads as alerts.

Health Sensor Predictes Death

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Health Sensor Predictes Death - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #invention, #success, #technology, #health monitor, #fitbit, #smart watch, #heart, #heart rate, #death, #medical

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Ted: The health sensors you built into our smart watch prototype aren't working. According to your stupid sensors, my heart is going to stop beating in... Dilbert: Yay me!

Tina Strings Economic Words Together

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Tina Strings Economic Words Together - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #economist, #economy, #deception, #jargon, #prediction, #stock market, #recession, #money

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Wally The Chief Economist. Tina: My interview with you is live on the website. Nothing you said made sense, so I strung together a bunch of economic jargon and called it your forecast. One Month Later. Computer: Only one economist accurately predicted when this bubble would burst. Dilbert: Uh-oh.

Dogbert Makes A Product That Begs For Updates

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Dogbert Makes A Product That Begs For Updates - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #product design, #product designer, #cruelty, #update, #computer, #reboot, #operating system, #torture, #technology

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Dogbert The Product Designer. Dogbert: I created an operating system that uses up 80% of your time begging for updates. That still leaves a healthy 20% of your time to... reboot your computer over and over. Boss: Can it fax?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computers, #customer service, #frustration, #installing drivers, #software, #tech support, #technical support, #technology, #engineering

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Dogbert's Tech Support. Dilbert: The error message says my copy of Windows is not genuine. Dogbert" I'll walk you through a series of steps that won't work. Dilbert: Wait... what? Dogbert: After seventeen attempts that involve rebooting, you will lose hope. At some point you will give up and buy a new computer just to be done with it all. We'll start by uninstalling all of your drivers and reinstalling. Dilbert: Can I skip all of the useless steps and just buy a new computer? Dogbert: Sure, but you don't need to be a jerk about it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #surveillance, #outsourced micromanaging, #amazons mechanical turk, #other countries, #computer cameras, #criticize, #resisting change

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Boss: I outsourced my micromanaging to Amazon's mechanical Turk. People in other countries will watch you on your computer cameras and criticize every move you make. Dilbert: That feels like a terrible idea. Turk: Stop resisting change.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #trees, #computer model, #genetically modify, #tree growth, #rare earth minerals, #run a trail, #money dents grow on trees, #fault

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Dilbert: My computer model indicates that I can genetically modify a tree to grow leaves made of rare earth minerals. All I need is a hundred dollars to run a trial. Boss: Sorry. Money doesn't grow on trees. Dilbert: Well, now we know whose fault that is. Boss: Strangers?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computers & peripherals, #frustration, #inventions, #no sense, #standard turing test, #upset, #company strategy

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Dilbert: My software can't pass a standard Turing test yet, but it does pass the pointy-haired boss test. Computer, I have a question about our company strategy. Computer: Try working smarter. Dilbert: That doesn't even make sense! CEO: I wasn't prepared to like it, but you won me over.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #inventions, #artificial intelligence, #software, #phb test, #hide, #html5, #talking, #engineering

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Dilbert: My artificial intelligence software passes the PHB test. That means I can hide it behind a curtain and people won't know if they're talking to a computer or a pointy-haired boss. Computer, what is HTML5? Computer: Beats me. Boss: I was going to say that!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #efficiency experts, #employee tracking, #wandering aorund, #meetings, #restroom trips, #employee monitoring, #wrist monitor, #low levels of caffeine, #typos up, #beat authority figure, #tablet computer, #danger signals, #workloads

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Boss: Okay, let's see how employee 3452378 is doing. According to our employee tracking system, you have wandered around the office 17% more than the average employee. Dilbert: Maybe I have more meetings than most people. Boss: No, most of the difference is in restroom trips and detours past an attractive woman's desk. Your wrist monitor shows unacceptably low levels of caffeine for your workload. That's probably why your typos are up 9% and you have looked away from your workstation nine more times than last month. Now your wrist monitor indicated a desire to bean an authority figure to death with his own tablet computer. Phew! Your brain's wuss subroutine just kicked in. The danger has passed.