Cubicle Cop Comic Strips - Page 5

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View 41 - 50 results for cubicle cop comic strips. Discover the best "Cubicle Cop" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally's Analysis Is No Longer Needed

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Wally's Analysis Is No Longer Needed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 2014's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #analysis, #work, #gibberish, #separate issue, #secretary, #offcie, #cubicle, #science

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Wally: Here's the analysis you asked me to do. Coworker: Oops. I forgot to tell you, I don't need this anymore. Wally: What? I did all of that work for nothing? Coworker: Wait... this is nothing but... gibberish. Wally: That is a separate issue.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 2014's comic on:


Tags #deception, #laziness, #productivity, #work ethic, #sensors detect, #cubicle, #engineering, #problem, #five years, #robot, #boss, #temporary boss

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Temporary Robot Boss. Robot: My sensors detect no work coming from this cubicle. Wally: That's because I have been working on an engineering problem in my head for five years. Robot: Are you almost done? Wally: I was, but you just made me forget all of it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2014's comic on:


Tags #optimism, #telephones, #work ethic, #prodcutive, #conference call, #cubicla, #exhautisng

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Boss: You don't look productive. Wally: I'm on a conference call. Boss: Maybe you should be in your cubicle listening to it. Wally: Nah. They aren't saying anything important. Boss: Maybe they will. Wally: Optimism sounds exhausting.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 2014's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #temporary ceo, #c level suite, #employee realtions, #boss, #cubicle, #insulting, #receptionist, #business

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Boss: The board named me temporary CEO. And guess who is coming with me to the C-level suite! Carol: It's me! Boss: No. And you're also a terrible guesser.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2014's comic on:


Tags #complaints, #skunk opera, #analogies, #understand analogies, #employees complain, #office, #cubicle, #human relations

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Boss: Sheesh! It feels as if every employee is complaining about one thing or another today. Carol: Maybe it's because your leadership has turned this place into a skunk opera. Luckily, you don't understand analogies. Boss: That one is about singing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 2014's comic on:


Tags #public speaking, #slides tell a story, #status of project, #clown, #broken watch, #eagle, #technology, #old shoe, #storm drain, #pie chart, #dcitionary, #images, #offcie, #cubicle

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Boss: Experts say your slides should tell a story in pictures. Start with an image that captures the status of your project. Dilbert: How about this image of a clown with a broken watch? Boss: I was thinking eagle. Dilbert: Fine. Eagle. Boss: Now find an image that shows our technology strategy. Dilbert: How about this image of an old show in a storm drain? Boss: I was thinking pie chart. Dilbert: Fine. Boss: Now for the words. Dilbert: How about this image of a dictionary?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 2013's comic on:


Tags #engineer, #google, #evolved, #pure energy, #apathy, #in cop, #coffee, #desk, #engineering

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Behold my greatness! I was na engineer at google before I evolved to pure energy! Behold my path that will suck the energy out of you like a monkey on an orange. Good bot, Right in the cup.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2013's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #thinking, #ceos technology challenge, #innovative ideas, #fresh water, #elbonia, #award winning ideas, #water in a box

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CEO: I'm proud to announce the winner in the CEO's technology challenge. Two weeks ago, I challenged you to come up with innovative ideas for getting fresh water to Elbonia. The winner is someone named Wally. Wally's idea for bringing fresh water to Elbonia is... "in a box." That's the best one? Boss: We only had one entry. CEO: I hate your bald guts. Wally: I get that a lot. If you need me, I'll be in my cubicle thinking up award-winning ideas.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 11, 2013's comic on:


Tags #thinking, #eureka program, #best ideas, #dry hole, #dude ranch

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Boss: We are introducing our "Eureka Program" to recognize that the best ideas come from employees. Wally: I have ideas? Boss: Well, that was a dry hole. Wally: Can I turn my cubicle into a dude ranch?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2013's comic on:


Tags #interviews, #lying, #job interview, #exaggerate credntials, #more effective, #business skill, #misleading, #convince customers, #prodcuts, #dupe some idiot, #learn tech skills, #honesty, #hr, #send offer, #liar

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Dilbert: You look good on paper, but how do I know you aren't lying about your skills? Interviewee: You should hope I am lying. Studies show that people who exaggerate their credentials tend to be more effective once hired. That's because misleading people is a valuable business skill. For example, I might need to convince our customers that our products are better than the competition. Or I might need to dupe some idiot into leaving my cubicle so I can concentrate. Anyone can learn technical skills, but lying is an art form. Dilbert: He doesn't have an honest bone in his body. Boss: Perfect. I'll tell Human Resources to send him an offer.