Ear Wax Comic Strips - Page 5
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Dogbert stands on Dilbert's computer. Dogbert says, "I'm going to teach morons how o get high-level jobs." Dilbert says, "Why?" Dogbert says, "I'm addicted to wagging." Dogbert's tail wags. Dilbert says, "Carry on." Dogbert stands in front of three messy men with vacant eyes. They all have their tongues out. Dogbert says, "Now turn your ear clockwise to get your tongue back in."
Ann sits in a meeting with Dilbert and Wally. Ann says, "I must warn you, I'm one of those women who like to curse at work." Ann turns to Asok and screams several obscenities. Asok's tie and hair fly back in a stiff wind. Ann says, "That was my warm up." Asok says, "My ears fell off!!" Asok looks at the conference table where an ear lays on other side of his paper.
During a staff meeting, The Boss says, "It has come to my attention that one of you has a social life." Wally says, "There must be some mistake." The Boss says, "We can't be successful until our social lives are worse than the industry average." He stands up and says, "Our competitors spend the nights in their cubicles. They eat from vending machines." The Boss walks behind Wally, Dilbert and Alice. He says, "Someone here has not shown the same level of competetive spirit." The Boss grabs Asok by the collar and says, "Someone had a social activity last night!" Asok cries, "I'm sorry! I thought they were friends... but they were only recruiting for a multi-level marketing network!!!" Dilbert says, "What were they selling?" Asok says, "Edible wax fruit. Brochure?"
Dilbert sits in the park wearing a jogging suit and with his arms crossed. He looks mad. Dogbert sits witha cute girl. She says, "until I met you, Dogbert, I always fell for engineers." The girl pets Dogbert. She says, "But I'm tired of pretty boys. i want a guy who will appreciate my exotic dancing as much as my passion for physics." Dilbert starts sobbing. Dogbert says, "Scratch under this ear for a minute." The girl lifts his ear and says, "Sure. I can't get enough touching."
Dilbert sits at a table with stacks of brochures in front of him. Dogbert stands on the table and says, "This is Marilyn Vos Savant, the smartest human alive." A woman stands behind Dogbert. Dogbert says, "She will help you understand your airline 'Often Flier' program." Marilyn looks at a brochure and says, "I'm stumped." Dilbert asks, "After this, could you tell me which phone company saves me the most money?" Marilyn replies, "My brain's trying to escape; you scared it." Her brain crawls out her ear.
Dilbert and Wally walk down the hall together. Dilbert says, "Although we are nothing but pond scum in this company . . ." Dilbert continues as they walk into a conference room, "It's nice to know we can still find someone of lower status to torment." Dilbert and Wally sit at a table with a vendor. Dilbert says, "You call these brochures? How can I even consider buying products from a 'ven-duh' such as you?" Wally reaches for the salesperson's ear and says, "Tell me if this hurts."
Wally hands the Boss a document and says, "Here are my budget estimates for the year." Wally continues, "Thanks to management bungling and indecision, I plan to use no capital for several months followed by a reckless year-end orgy of acquisition." Wally asks, "Is that what you were looking for?" The Boss responds, "Tell me again what 'capital' is."
Bob the Dinosaur says to Dogbert, "Sometimes I feel self-conscious because my brain is so tiny." Bob continues, "Here, let me reach in my ear and pull it out." Dogbert looks at what Bob is holding in his hand and says, "I think that's ear wax, Bob." Bob replies, "Maybe. But I'm putting it back just in case."
In a dream, Dilbert flies through the sky. He thinks, "In my dream I float over fields of heather." Below him a girl waves and says, "Hi! I'm Heather." Dilbert thinks, "The flying dream always predicts an important change. I feel that my freedom will soon increase." Dilbert wakes up in a meeting as the Boss asks, "Does somebody else have a question for our new CEO?" Dilbert's arms are out-streched and his finger is stuck in the CEO's ear. Dilbert thinks, "My finger is stuck."
Tags #boss types, #handy refrence, #hostage taker, #cucbicle, #talks ear off, #vigorous head noodling, #subnet, #ip addresses, #motivational lair, #mushroom, #qualitize, #paradigm, #inundate, #bonus, #80 hour weeks, #moses, #perfect boss, #died thursday afternooon
The panel is titled, "Boss Types." Dogbert holds a pointer and says, "Find your boss on this handy reference." The caption says, "Hostage taker: Traps you in your cubicle and talks your ears off." A man stands in the doorway saying, "Blah blah." A man at a desk says, "Ow!!" as his ears fall off. The caption says, "Fraud: Uses vigorous head nodding to simulate comprehension." Dilbert says, "Then we'll subnet our IP addresses." The man next to him nods his head and says, "Oh yeah. Oh yeah." The caption says, "Motivational Liar: Has no clue what you do but says you're the best." A man says, "Nobody can do what you do!!" The woman thinks, "Except a mushroom." The caption says, "Over Promoted: Tries to mask incompetence with poor communication." Three people sit at a conference table. A man says, "Let's qualitize our paradigm so we don't over inundate with datums." The caption says, "Weasel: Takes credit for your hard work." A man holding a bag of money tells a woman, "This bonus is for brilliantly forcing your staff to work 80 hour weeks." The woman replies, "It wasn't easy!" The caption says, "Moses: Perpetually waits for clear signals from above." The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Don't do anything important yet." Wally replies, "Never have." The caption says, "Perfect Boss: Dies of natural causes on a Thursday afternoon." Alice looks at a dead body and asks, "Should we do something?" Wally yells, "Three day weekend!"