Extreme Managing Comic Strips - Page 5
69 Results for Extreme Managing
View 41 - 50 results for extreme managing comic strips. Discover the best "Extreme Managing" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share March 11, 2006's comic on:
Yesterday I had a great meeting about Project Wombat. "What?!" "I've been managing that project for six months! How can you have a meeting without inviting me?!!" "Have you noticed that meetings go smoother without any knowledge or expertise?" "Kinda."
Share February 08, 2006's comic on:
I'm too busy to learn anything about the projects I'm managing. "I barely have enough time to make critical decisions about them." "Maybe you're lazy and stupid." "Let's go down to the pond and throw rocks at the ducks."
Share November 19, 2004's comic on:
The Boss: There must be more to managing than giving vague directions and punishing people for not reading my mind. But I like to play within my game. Its a form of genius. Catbert: wake me up when some of this is about me.
Share November 01, 2004's comic on:
The Boss: I need to be managing a sexier project to boost my career. \it only has to sound good and not fail until I geta better job. How about a nanotechnology set cell for fighting terrorists? Dilbert: O-O-OKay.
Share August 22, 2004's comic on:
Dilbert: why can't I find a girlfriend? DOgbert: you have two problems: your looks and your personality. Dilbert: Hmm,two itsn't bad. I can fix my looks by getting and extreme makeover. Dogbert: you'll still need to improve M.T.T.S.F. Dilbert: What? Dogbert: mean time to story failure: Its a measure of ho long you can be fascinating to a new person. Dogbert: Ive been counting and you only ave nine good stories after you use them up youre a social liability. Dilbert: I saw a horse kick a woodchuck over a fence. Dogbert: still only nine.
Share April 18, 2004's comic on:
Dogbert: "I'm going into the extreme makeover business." "I'm planning to take it to the next level." "You'd look good with antlers." "And the nose has to go." Man: "Go?" "Your tiny ears are out of proportion." "These are ears." "I'll also rearrange your fat so you can't see it." "I'll toss in a few extras after you're unconscious, no charge." "Guess how old I am."
Share November 02, 2003's comic on:
The Boss: "Wally, what's the status of your project?" Wally: "Deep breath.. clear my mind..." "I've been focusing my bandwidth on organic growth." "I'm getting lots of push-back, so I'm taking the discussions offline." "But sometimes I table an issue or handle it in a side bar." "Now I have my ducks in a row. The deal-breakers are on the back burner, and I'm managing expectations." The Boss: "Okay... keep up the good work." Dilbert: "Wally, you don't have a project." "What? Then why am I so tired?"
Share January 18, 2003's comic on:
The Boss: "Wally, could you.." Wally turns; he has a dotted bubble around his body. The Boss continues, "Oh.. never mind, I see that you're radiating an aura of extreme incompetence." Dilbert, Alice, and Wally are eating lunch. Dilbert says to Wally, "You forgot to turn off your aura." Wally responds, "It takes a minute to cool down."
Share January 11, 2003's comic on:
Extreme Programming. Wally and Dilbert are sitting at one computer. The Boss approaches and says, "The two of you will be a code-writing team." The Boss continues, "Studies prove that two programmers on one computer is the most productive arrangement." Dilbert types with a furrowed brow. Wally says, "Sometimes I can whistle through both nostrils. I've saved a fortune in harmonicas."
Share January 10, 2003's comic on:
Extreme Programming. Dilbert says to a business associate, "I can't give you all of these features in the first version." Dilbert continues, "And each feature needs to have what we call a 'user story.'" The business associate responds, "Okay, here's a story: you give me all of my features or I'll ruin your life.'"