Fix Them Comic Strips - Page 5

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133 Results for Fix Them

View 41 - 50 results for fix them comic strips. Discover the best "Fix Them" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2014's comic on:


Tags #close friends, #facebook, #fix problem, #friends, #liked, #posts, #seven friends, #therapy, #shrink, #popularity, #social media, #technology, #psychology

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Dilbert: No one "likes" my Facebook posts. woman: How many Facebook friends do you have? Dilbert: Seven. Woman: Are they close friends? Dilbert: How do you define close? Woman: Have you here invited any of these people to your house? Dilbert: Why would I do that? Woman: I can't fix your problem. SO instead , I'll plant some false memories and try to fox those later. Do you remember being a robot that was designed by alines? Dilbert: No. woman: are you sure? Dilbert: I was.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 2014's comic on:


Tags #bodily fluids, #buggy, #ceo reputation, #competitors, #death, #medical, #misleading ads, #not selling, #overriced, #owls, #pal costume, #product failure, #product name, #super yacht, #vaguely racist

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Boss: We need to figure out why our new product isn't selling well. Dilbert: It's buggy and overpriced. Wally: OUr competitors sell a far better product at half the price. Asok: Our ads are overtly misleading and vaguely racist. Alice: Our product name reminds people of bodily fluids and death. People hate us because our CEO has an endangered owl shooting range on his super yacht. Boss: Does anyone have an idea to fix all of that? Wally: Maybe. Do you own an owl costume?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 2014's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #vendor, #software patch, #installed, #add value, #tested, #business

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Boss: Ask the vendor if they have a software patch to fix our problem. Dilbert: I already asked for the patch, installed it, and thoroughly tested in in production. Boss: I think I'll go add value someplace else. Dilbert: That's a good place to do it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 2013's comic on:


Tags #dating, #engineers, #engineer, #excellent employment, #potential, #social skills, #relationships, #engineering

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Dilbert: Hi. I'm an engineer. That means I have excellent employment potential and I can fix things around the house. Woman: How are your social skills? Dilbert: Wow. Look who wants the moon.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 2013's comic on:


Tags #fear, #inventions, #machinery, #squeaky chair, #cushion, #posessed, #robot leaks

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Robot: My chair is squeaky. How do I fix that? squeak squeak Alice: Die! And now your chair is oiled. Robot: Mostly the cushion.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 2013's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #honesty, #managers & supervisors, #motivation, #insincere, #bar too high, #low motivation, #business

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Dilbert: My motivation is low today. I understand it's your job to fix that situation. An insincere attaboy or a fake interest in my life would be enough. Boss: Drop dead and let the flies eat you. Dilbert: I set the bar too high again.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2013's comic on:


Tags #pessimism, #telephones, #collaboration tools, #trying to accomplish, #bad acoustics, #speaker phones, #randomly agreed, #better than expected, #crime not committed

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Boss: How'd your call go? Dilbert: Better than I expected. We spent the first 45 minutes trying to get our online collaboration tools to work. Then we couldn't agree on what we were trying to accomplish. I couldn't understand most of the attendees because they were on speakerphones in rooms with bad acoustics. I randomly agreed to a few things, but I don't know what. Boss: I thought you said it went better than you expected. Dilbert: It did. I go into every human encounter expecting to be framed for a crime I didn't commit. Boss: I really need to find a problem I can fix.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2013's comic on:


Tags #dating, #frustration, #relations between the sexes, #modern world, #purpose of men, #money, #bad jokes, #faltulence, #useless men, #pondering on importance, #relationships

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Woman: I'm not sure what function men serve in the modern world. My job pays well, so I have all the money I need. If something in my house breaks, I either fix it or pay someone to fix it. If I want a baby, I'll call a fertility doctor. In today's world, men are little more than carriers of bad jokes and flatulence. My gardener mows my lawn. Dilbert: I get it!!! Dogbert: That is disturbing. Dilbert: Not compared to the alternatives.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 2013's comic on:


Tags #allegiance, #work has no meaning, #sound disloyal

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Dilbert: My work has no meaning. I understand it's your job to fix that situation before I become disloyal. Boss: I think it's too late. You already sound disloyal. Dilbert: Really? That opens a lot of options. Boss: Let me know if there's anything else I can do.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 2013's comic on:


Tags #angel, #fix things, #granted wishes, #know it all, #needy, #questions, #things gone wrong, #workers, #angel of competence

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Angel: I am the angel of competence. I have come to mark you as an engineer turn around, Dilbert: So, its like an honor? Angel: Sure, if that makes you feel better. The Boss: Can you show me how to set ups my wireless router at home? Tina: My phone keeps freezing up, can you look at it? Ted: How long should I barbecue trick-tip? Man: The pilot lightly on my water heater is out, How do you fix cracks in a driveway? what exactly does iCloud do? GAAA!!! Dilbert: I need to talk to the angel of competence have you seen him? Wally: He died in my cubicle, Thats all Im saying.