Free Soft Drinks Comic Strips - Page 5

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279 Results for Free Soft Drinks

View 41 - 50 results for free soft drinks comic strips. Discover the best "Free Soft Drinks" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #first impression, #culture, #interview, #job interview, #deception, #revenge, #nice, #niceness, #nice people, #business

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Job Interview. Boss; When I make hiring decisions, my biggest priority is cultural fit. Man: Your buzzwords are like music to my unemployed ears. And here come some employees who can tell me about your company culture. Boss: Uh-oh. Man: Hey, guys. Can I ask some questions about the culture here? Dilbert: Working here is like a paradise. Wally: Best place ever. Dilbert: Our days are full of laughter, hugging, and camaraderie. Wally: Coffee is free! Man: Wow. Thanks. I look forward to working here. Boss: ??? Dilbert: I didn't like that guy. Wally: I'm glad we got our revenge in advance.

How The Elbonians Spun It

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How The Elbonians Spun It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #slavery, #slave, #slaves, #semantics, #owner, #ownership, #obliviousness, #wages, #money, #pay, #payment

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Dilbert: How's it going with the Elbonians you bought on the Internet? CEO: I had to set them free. Turns out it was slavery after all. Dilbert: You made them work without pay. CEO: Yeah, that's the spin they put on it, too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #social, #social interaction, #honesty, #politeness, #overshare, #relationships

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Woman: So, tell me a little about yourself, and be totally honest. Dilbert: Totally honest? Okay... I like technology more than I like people. I don't believe in free will, soulmates, or following my passion. I think life is a brief, meaningless event in a random universe that doesn't care. I only associate with other people because I have biological and economical needs. I think all human actions are driven by selfishness. Woman: Uh... okay. Do you have any questions for me? Dilbert: Am I still being totally honest or should I act curious?

Wally Drinks Deeply From His Trophy

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 Wally Drinks Deeply From His Trophy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ideas, #thinking, #coffee, #mug, #trophy, #award, #inspiration

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Wally: We need new ideas. I shall drink deeply from my "Employee of the Year" trophy. Mmm... coffee. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. Alice: Got any new ideas? Wally: Ambidextrous coffee mug!

Free Will Is An Illusion

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Free Will Is An Illusion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #free will, #robot, #robotics, #technology, #emotionally manipulate, #cloud connected, #control humans

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Dilbert: I'm programming our robot line to emotionally manipulate their owners into buying upgrades. Wally: You're teaching cloud-connected robots all over the world how to surreptitiously control humans? Dilbert: Technically, yea. But free will is an illusion anyway. Wally: Well, if it isn't, it will be.

Board Offers Dogbert Severence Package

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Board Offers Dogbert Severence Package - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #avarice, #compensation, #executives, #golden parachute, #greed, #money, #wages

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Dogbert the CEO. Catbert: The board has approved a $100 million golden parachute if you quit now. Dogbert: $100 million?!!! How am I supposed to live on that? You insult me! Catbert: That's a lot of money for doing nothing. Dogbert: Bah! I spend more than that on soft cheese.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #investor, #investors, #pick up lines, #start up idea, #funding, #saturday night drinks, #date

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Alice: An angel investor agreed to meet with me about my start-up idea. Dilbert: You need to be careful because he might be... Alice: We're meeting for drinks at his house on Saturday night. Dilbert: I'm socially inept and even I know that sounds wrong. Alice: He keeps texting to say he can't wait to fund me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #work ethic, #human resources, #feeling of inadequency, #boost company profits, #all weekedn, #adequate temporary basis, #business

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Catbert: My job in Human Resources is to instill in you a permanent feeling of inadequacy. Your only hope for feeling good about yourself is to work feverishly to boos company profits. If you work all weekend for free, I am willing to call you adequate on a temporary basis. Dilbert: I'll take it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee fringe benefits, #google, #free bus service, #telecommuniting

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Boss: I hired a guy who worked at Google because he said he was driven. Dilbert: Because they have free bus service? Has he shown up for work yet? Boss: I thought he was telecommuting.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee fringe benefits, #google, #free food, #bus service, #massages, #smart, #ambitious people, #earplugs

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Ratbert: When I die, I hope to go to Google. I would spend eternity with free food, bus service, and massages. Dogbert: And you would always be around smart, ambitious people. Ratbert: That's okay. I'll bring earplugs.