Help Comic Strips - Page 5
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424 Results for Help
View 41 - 50 results for help comic strips. Discover the best "Help" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday November 08,
2018
Making Your Boss Look Good
Tags boss, criticism, ego, managers & supervisors, office workers, responsibility
Transcript
Boss: You did this wrong. Dilbert: That's how you trained me to do it. Bob: You need to learn to take responsibility for my mistakes. It's called "making your boss look good". Dilbert: Maybe you could help a little too.
Tuesday October 23,
2018
Award For Cutting Costs
Tags ceo, award, cutting, costs, department, underfunded, losers, awards, help
Transcript
CEO: I am proud to give you this award for cutting costs more than any other department. Dilbert: All of our projects failed because they are underfunded. CEO: How do you put up with these losers? The Boss: The awards help.
Sunday October 14,
2018
Tags carol, Wally, computer, problem, crumbs, crosstalk, protocols, help
Transcript
Carol: Wally, can you help me with a computer problem? Wally: People usually don't ask me for help. Carol: Why is that? Wally: You'll find out. Carol: I can't log in to the server. Wally: I'll need to ask you a few questions. Have you ever eaten food near your computer. Carol: Um... Yes. Wally: That's your problem. Wally: Your crumbs are causing crosstalk on the protocols. Carol: Is this why no one asks you for help? Wally: It's in the top ten.
Monday October 08,
2018
Carol Can't Get The Printer To Work
Tags carol, Dilbert, printer, work, priorities, yammering
Transcript
Carol: I can't get the printer to work can you help? Dilbert: Sure, I'll be there as soon as I finish my twenty-seven tasks that are all higher priorities. Carol: How long will that take? Dilbert: I got three new tasks while you were here yammering.
Sunday September 30,
2018
Tags the boss, Dilbert, co-workers, phone calls, cubicle, breaks, flow, Food, smells, break, room, pretending, thermostat
Transcript
Dilbert: My co-workers make it impossible to work. I hear every one of their phone calls. It's maddening. When they walk past my cubicle it breaks my flow. And don't get me started about the food smells coming from the break room. They ask me one dumb question after another. I don't know who keeps turning up the thermostat. But it's too hot to think. The Boss: Would it help if I threaten to fire you? Dilbert: It's worth a try I'll be in my cubicle pretending to work.
Thursday August 16,
2018
Looking In The Wrong Places
Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, couch, co-worker, wimp, empathy, wrong, places
Transcript
Dilbert: I offered to help a co-worker, and she started delegating tasks to me like I'm her subordinate. Dogbert: Is the point of your boring story that your co-worker is a natural leader and you're a wimp. Dilbert: I was looking for some empathy. Dogbert: Is your point that you look for things in the wrong places?
Wednesday August 15,
2018
How Dilbert Can Help
Tags Dilbert, project, criticism, option, boss, worthless
Transcript
Dilbert: How can I help you on your project? Woman Employee: I'll send you my files and you can do all of my work while I criticize you behind your back. Dilbert: Is there another option? Woman Employee: Yes, it' involves telling your boss you're worthless.
Tuesday August 14,
2018
Dilbert Offers To Help
Tags Dilbert, help, project, sucker, woman employee
Transcript
Dilbert: Our pointy-haired boss asked me to help you on your project. Woman Employee: Yes!! My dream of getting paid while other people do my work is becoming a reality! Dilbert: I might have played this wrong. Woman employee: Sucker!
Friday July 27,
2018
New Military Project
Sunday May 27,
2018
Tags manipulation, fear, tactic, ignorance, jargon, language
Transcript
Woman: I need help persuading your boss to bless my project. Should I use facts and logic? Dilbert: No, he hates that stuff. Woman: Maybe I could appeal to his better angels? Dilbert: His better angels wear noise-canceling headphones. Woman: Okay, fine. I'll just appeal to his self-interest. Dilbert: It would be in his best interest to avoid people like you. Woman: What do you suggest? Dilbert: We've had good outcomes using his ignorance and fear. Woman: Sign this ore else a blockchain drone will kill you in your sleep. Boss: Where's my pen!

