Highest Paid Engineer Comic Strips - Page 5

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407 Results for Highest Paid Engineer

View 41 - 50 results for highest paid engineer comic strips. Discover the best "Highest Paid Engineer" comics from Dilbert.com.

Volunteers For Mars Trip

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Volunteers For Mars Trip - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #space, #astronaut, #engineering, #karma, #death, #design, #medical

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Boss: I need volunteers to go to Mars in the spaceship we're building. Dilbert: Ask Ted. He's dispensable because he's a terrible engineer. Boss: Ted designed the spaceship. Dilbert: Karma will sort that all out.

Car Rental Typing

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Car Rental Typing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #logic, #efficiency, #car rental, #frustration

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Car Rental. Man: I hope you don't have some sort of technology job. Dilbert: Why? Man: Because the user experience you are about to endure might make your head explode. Narrator: Twenty minutes later. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Why do you need to type so much?!!! Man: We got an engineer!

Employee Weight Loss Contest

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Employee Weight Loss Contest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #obesity, #health, #weight loss, #weight, #dieting, #cheating, #competition, #medical

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CEO: Next month is employee health awareness month, so we decided to have a weight-loss competition. We'll start on the first of the month, and the winner gets a week of paid vacation. Wally: When he thinks back on this, he'll realize he shouldn't have given us three weeks to bulk up before the first weigh-in.

Tina Isn't An Engineer

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Tina Isn't An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineer, #evaluation, #value, #catch-22, #fired, #termination, #engineering

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Boss: The company makes me rank all of my employees. I put you last because you're not an engineer. I have to fire whoever is ranked lowest, and I can't afford to lose any engineers. Tina; What if I work harder, and do a great job? Boss: Then I'd fire you for not being a team player.

Wally Accepts Bribes

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Wally Accepts Bribes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bribe, #bribery, #money, #laziness, #work ethic

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Wally: I started accepting bribes from co-workers to incent me to do my job. Dilbert: If it didn't work for your employer, why do they think it will work for them? Wally: Something about optimism. Dilbert: They didn't say why? Wally: All I know is that no one paid me to listen to them.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work, #job, #happiness, #fulfillment, #meaning, #pleasure, #struggle, #engagement, #business, #psychology

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Asok: I want a job I can enjoy. Dilbert: You want to work for free? Asok: No, I just want to get paid for doing things I want to do. Dilbert: Perhaps you misunderstand the true nature of "work." The reason your employer pays you is because work is unpleasant by its very nature. If the job were fun, the company would charge you a fee for letting you do it. Boss: Asok, I need you to climb into the dumpster and find out what's making it smell so bad. Asok: At least I'm doing something useful. Boss: No, it's more of a curiosity situation.

Wally's Device Has Human Emotions

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Wally's Device Has Human Emotions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #artificial intelligence, #ai, #invention, #human, #humanity, #misanthrope

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Dilbert: Is it true that you invented a device with human intelligence and human emotions? Wally: Yes. I'd give you a demo, but the device is depressed and wants to be left alone. Dilbert: It looks like a block of wood. Wally: I'm only trying to copy the human mind. There's no reason to over-engineer it. Dilbert: I can respect that.

Wally Gets Referral Money

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Wally Gets Referral Money - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bonus, #con, #deception, #hiring, #money, #referral, #scheme, #guest artist, #jake tapper

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Wally: Stop! Why are you here? Man: I have an interview for a job as an engineer. Wally: My name is Wally. Tell Human Resources I referred you ad I'll get a $1,000 bonus. Boss: Have you noticed that all of our new hires were referred by the same person? Catbert: Sounds like we found our Employee Of The Year!

Intuitive Not Worthless

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Intuitive Not Worthless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #obliviousness, #jobs, #knowledge, #understanding

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Boss: I'm not an engineer, so I don't know if you're doing the right things or not. And I can't watch you work, so I don't know if you're putting in any effort. Dilbert: That means you're totally worthless. Boss: I was going to say intuitive.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication, #managers, #training, #obstacle, #laziness

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Dilbert: Can I take a class to improve my communication skills? Boss: What are you talking about? Dilbert: I want to take a class that teaches me how to communicate better. Boss: I don't understand what you're asking me. Dilbert: I am asking permission to take a class to help me communicate better. Boss: I see your lips moving but I can't figure out what you're asking. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! There's no way to get there from here! Boss: I'm glad I took that management class on how to not listen. It already paid off.