Hold Out Arm Comic Strips - Page 5
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Dogbert's tech support female office worker: i can't figure out how to use your product. dogbert: the problem is climate change. there is nothing you can do. office worker: there must be something i can do. dogbert's voice from phone: do you recycle?
dogbert's tech support ted: i can't figure out how to use your product. what should i do? dogbert: i recommend changing jobs to something less challenging. ted: are you saying i'm dumb? dogbert's once from phone: no. no. no. i'm only implying it.
dilbert: last week i upgraded our robot's social awareness module. it immediately reported me to human resources for unspecified bad behavior. so i murdered the robot by erasing its memory and rebooting it. but another robot told it what happened, and then both of them plotted to kill me. so i erased the memory from both robots and then rebooted them. but a third robot found out about the first two, and now the entire robot community sees me as a serial killer. so i released a computer virus to kill every robot in the world, just to play it safe. wally: what happened to the lights? dilbert: uh-oh. i missed one.
dilbert: i did a regression analysis to find out which variables are common to all of our failures. wally: it's me isn't it? dilbert pointing to boss: no, it's him. wally: is this what winning feels like?
dilbert thinking: looks like it will be another full day of interacting with people i wouldn't pull out of a burning car even if i were made of asbestos. my only hope is to stay busy doing mindless tasks. dilbert: do you have any mindless tasks for me? boss: take one from the top of the pile.
boss: we're moving our manufacturing operations to elbonia to save money. dilbert: are you worried about elbonian government's reputation? boss: nah. i try to stay out of the weeds. dilbert: they're building concentration camps and rounding up dissenters. they intenionally poisoned a hundred thousand people in this country. they are habitual stealers of intellectual property, and they routinely ignore agreements they have signed. and they have a well-known goal of weakening other countries so they can dominate the world. boss: why can you just admit i'm saving money?
dilbert: maybe you should stay home when you are sick. alice sneezing: honk! i will, but first i need to infect the rest of you so i'm not the only one missing deadlines. can you hold this for me? (passes off tissue to dilbert)
dogbert: welcome to dogcart's sensitivity training dogbert passing out papers: today you will learn how to never offend anyone ever again class including dilbert: are you going to kill us? dogbert: no, no, no. after an hour of this class, you'll want to do it yourself.
Carol: I have bad news. Dilbert: What is it? Carol: I'll tell you later. Dilbert: Why can't you tell me now? Carol: I don't want to start and then get interrupted if someone comes in the room. Dilbert: How bad is the news? Carol: It's bad. Very bad. Dilbert: You're making me crazy, how can I relax knowing some terrible news is out there? Don't tell me you have bad news if you aren't going to tell me what it is!!! Wally: What did I miss? Dilbert: I don't know!