Hoping For Improvement Comic Strips - Page 5

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110 Results for Hoping For Improvement

View 41 - 50 results for hoping for improvement comic strips. Discover the best "Hoping For Improvement" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #improvement plan, #90 day, #individual honor, #valuable service, #polite, #thanks, #business

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Ted: Guess who made it onto the generic ninety-day improvement plan. I don't think of it as an individual honor. I think of it as doing a valuable service for the team. Dilbert: Should we thank him? Wally: Are we polite now?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #90 day performance plan, #low ambitions

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Boss: Ted, I'm putting you on a ninety-day performance improvement play. Ted: Yes!!! I've always dreamed of making it onto the performance improvement plan! Boss: It's not as good as it sounds. Ted: With all due respect, you don't know how low my ambitions are.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #time travel, #elbonia, #time, #70 years future, #great grandson, #set thing, #won't work out, #cave, #pool, #monster, #gun

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Dilbert: I hope I'm not calling too late. What time is it in Elbonia? Elbonian: We're seventy years in your future. I'm the great grandson of the guy you are trying to reach. By the way, that SETI thing won't work out the way you're hoping.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #contracts, #relations between the sexes, #Women, #ignorantly signed, #legal strategy, #affadavit, #attractive women, #have cooties

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Man says, "The contract that you ignorantly signed gives them the right to harvest your organs." Man says, "Your best legal strategy is to get sworn affidavits from attractive women saying you have cooties." Woman says, "Heck yes, I'll sign it." Dilbert says, "I was hoping this would be harder."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee, #human resources, #Promotion, #raise, #facebook; social networks, #excited, #business

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Catbert says, "For the past six months you've done nothing but update your Facebook page." Catbert says, "Now we have an opening for a marketing manager for social networks and you're totally qualified. It's a huge raise and promotion." Man says, "Crime pays! I knew it!!!" Catbert says, "We're hoping you can lie as well as you steal."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil, #cat, #director of human resources, #sales bonus, #raise target, #boss, #laugh, #point, #bend over, #tail, #annoyed, #support, #animals

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Ken says, "Every time I get near my sales bonus level, the pointy-haired boss raises the target!" Catbert says, "Ha ha ha! That's the funniest thing I've ever heard! He just yanks it away! Ha ha ha!" Ken says, "I was hoping for some support." Catbert says, "Then buy a cane and talk to the tail! Ooogah!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #load calcs, #remind, #monday, #determined, #forget, #remember, #fist, #hiding day, #good luck, #hallway, #standing

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Coworker says, "Wally, I need your load calcs by Tuesday." Wally says, "Remind me on Monday." Coworker says, "You're hoping I won't remember to remind you. Then you'll say it's my fault." Coworker says, "But I will remember, and I will remind you." Wally says, "Good luck. Monday is my hiding day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #avoidance, #noise, #concentration, #presentation, #laziness, #excuses

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Wally says, "My cubicle is surrounded by loud idiots who make it impossible for me to concentrate on my work." The Boss says, "Did you create a presentation on why you couldn't do the presentation you're supposed to be doing?" Wally says, "Yes" The Boss says, "Wouldn't it have been just as easy to create the actual presentation?" Wally says, "I'm hoping to use this this one more than once."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wanting, #award, #scheme, #planning, #lazy

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "I want to win a humanitarian award." Dogbert says, "But I don't want to touch anyone who is sick. Or poor. Or unattractive." The Boss says, "Do you want to donate your time or money?" Dogbert says, "I'm hoping to donate your time and the stockholders' money."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #convincing, #plan, #scheme, #twitter, #lazy

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Wally says, "We find you interesting." The boss says, "You do?" Wally says, "Oh, yes. Every little thing you do is interesting." The Boss says, "I didn't know that." Wally says, "Hey, I just had an idea." Wally says, "Maybe you should use twitter to leave us little messages about all of your days activities." Dilbert says, "It would make us feel connected to our leader. And dare I say, more motivated." The Boss says, "Well, gosh. I suppose I could try it." Wally says, "I already feel an improvement in my quality of life." Wally says, "Where's idiot boy now?" Dilbert says, "In the parking lot. No need to look busy yet."