Installed Software Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

291 Results for Installed Software

View 41 - 50 results for installed software comic strips. Discover the best "Installed Software" comics from Dilbert.com.

Do Whatever The Data Says

Thank you for voting.
Do Whatever The Data Says - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 2017's comic on:


Tags #study, #analysis, #decision, #conclusions, #bias, #science

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to do a financial analysis on upgrading our customer tracking software. Dilbert: What conclusion do you want me to reach? Boss: We'll do whatever the data says. Dilbert: Which is...? Boss: I already bought the upgrade.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2017's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #group project

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'd like to thank each member of the product team for the successful launch. Dilbert wrote the software. Alice designed the hardware. And Wally... um... Wally: Attended most of the meetings. Boss: That's all you did? Wally: I also played devil's advocate. Dilbert: You didn't say a word during our meetings for seven months. Wally: That's because you were doing everything right. Boss: Did you really do nothing for seven months? Wally: This is one of those "less is more" situations.

Dilbert Tries To Get Funding

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert Tries To Get Funding - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2017's comic on:


Tags #budget, #money, #spending, #projects, #upgrades, #technology, #software, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Who are you? Dilbert: I'm an engineer on an unfunded project. I'm attending random meetings to see if I can shake loose some spare budget money. Man: We'll be talking about the mandatory software upgrade. Dilbert: Sounds like a huge waste of money.

Randy Has A Microchip In His Brain

Thank you for voting.
Randy Has A Microchip In His Brain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 22, 2017's comic on:


Tags #intelligence, #technology, #nanotechnology, #biotechnology, #computer chip

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Randy is our first employee to have a computer chip embedded in his brain. Randy, please explain to these obsolete employees how awesome you are now. Randy: Wait... I'm updating my software. Alice: Should we kill him while he's vulnerable?

It's Like You Never Existed

Thank you for voting.
It's Like You Never Existed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2017's comic on:


Tags #supervisor, #manager, #false comparison

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I spent the past week fixing a critical bug in the software that I forgot to tell you about. Boss: In a way, it's like you never existed. Alice: No, it's not like that at all. Boss: And you have a bad attitude on top of all that.

Add Feature To Legacy System

Thank you for voting.
Add Feature To Legacy System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2017's comic on:


Tags #legacy, #development, #change, #obstinacy, #engineers, #stalemate

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Wally, I need you to add a feature to the legacy system while we wait for the new software to go live. Wally: My job is to prevent people such as you from adding features to our legacy system. Man: But it's my job to make you do it. Wally: One of us has a terrible job.

Estimating Software Completion

Thank you for voting.
Estimating Software Completion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 2017's comic on:


Tags #estimate, #deadline, #questioning, #delay, #prediction

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: When will the next version of the software be done? Dilbert: That's like asking me to estimate how long it takes a salamander to evolve into a horse. Boss: So... what should I tell our CEO? Dilbert: Try the salamander analogy. It worked on you.

Standup Meeting

Thank you for voting.
Standup Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 2017's comic on:


Tags #software, #engineer, #coding, #jargon, #language, #technology, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Are you coming to the standup meeting? Wally: Is it okay if I sit instead? Dilbert: No, that would ruin the software. Dilbert: Did that make sense when I said it? Wally: No, and it isn't aging well either.

Agile Methodology

Thank you for voting.
Agile Methodology - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 2017's comic on:


Tags #agile, #coding, #engineer, #method, #misunderstanding, #software, #technology, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're moving to an agile methodology for software development. I don't know all of the details, but I think one of you has to be designated the scrumbag. Does that sound right? Dilbert: It's better than I expected.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2017's comic on:


Tags #sarcasm, #obliviousness, #future, #psychic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do these cost estimates include everything? Dilbert: Yes, because I know what happens in the future. I didn't think I could accurately predict the future until you trusted me to put this budget together. I thought there were too many variables to know how things will turn out. But I defer to your superior opinion. Wait... I'm getting another message from the future. It says to raise the software budget by nine dollars. Boss: Okay, that sounds right. Dilbert: Of course it does. Trust your instincts.