Insults Customer Comic Strips - Page 5
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250 Results for Insults Customer
View 41 - 50 results for insults customer comic strips. Discover the best "Insults Customer" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday January 09,
2018
Insulting Within Company Guidelines
Tags teach, insult, compliment, function, guidelines, co workers, insult co workers
Transcript
DOgbert: I will teach you how to insult your co - workers while staying within company guidelines. The trick is to disguise your insults as compliments. Alice, I admire the way you dress for function over appearance. Alice: Thanks. wait...
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday September 03,
2017
Tags customer service, loyalty program, survey, frustration
Transcript
Man: Would you like to sign up for our customer loyalty program? Dilbert: Why would I do that? Man: If you don't we'll overcharge you on your purchases. But if you sign up, we will add a new level of complexity to your life that will make you hate us. Dilbert: I'll stick with the customer disloyalty program. Just overcharge me and I'll never come back. Man: You can get ten percent off your purchase today if you fill out an online customer survey and enter our store code. Dilbert: Please just overcharge me and let me leave! Man: I almost hesitate to ask which extended warranty option you want.
Thursday August 17,
2017
Ideal Customer
Tags market research, sham, yes-man, demographics
Transcript
Dogbert: My research shows that your ideal customer is a male Olympic athlete between the ages of 120 and 145. And just to be safe, you want that guy to not have a Yelp account. Boss: How many people are in that group? Dogbert: None, but my research will help you double that.
Friday July 21,
2017
Make It Hard To Uninstall
Tags customer service, business strategy, sales, deception, business
Transcript
Boss: Don't focus so much on making the software do what our customers want it to do. Just make it hard for users to uninstall it. Dilbert: Why would they buy it in the first place? Boss: A big part of our strategy involves lying.
Monday July 10,
2017
Do Whatever The Data Says
Tags study, analysis, decision, conclusions, bias, science
Transcript
Boss: I need you to do a financial analysis on upgrading our customer tracking software. Dilbert: What conclusion do you want me to reach? Boss: We'll do whatever the data says. Dilbert: Which is...? Boss: I already bought the upgrade.
Thursday May 18,
2017
Why Did The Algorithm Bump Dilbert
Tags airlines, air travel, flight, overbooking, customer service
Transcript
Dilbert: Why did your algorithm pick me to be bumped from the full flight? Is it because I had the lowest-cost ticket? Agent: It was that plus your lack of upper body strength.
Wednesday May 17,
2017
Re Accomodation On The Flight
Tags air travel, airlines, customer service, overbooking, flight
Transcript
Flight Attendant: The flight is overbooked and our algorithm selected you for re-accommodation. Dilbert: What exactly does "re-accommodation" mean in this context? Oh.
Thursday January 26,
2017
Boss Tweets Sexist Stuff
Tags cell phone, computer, conversation, desk, tweets, technology
Transcript
Our customers organized a boycott because of your racist tweet. I know. That's why I tweeted out some witty insults at the organizers. Your new tweets are sexist. Notice how the make you forget about my racist tweets?
Friday December 09,
2016
Hire A Famous Cartoonist
Tags samsung, safety, explosion, battery, marketing, trust, celebrity, cartoonist, business
Transcript
Boss: We need to regain customer trust after our exploding phone fiasco. Dogbert: You need a celebrity endorsement. People trust celebrities with their life-and-death decisions. Maybe a famous cartoonist. Boss: I don't see how that could go wrong. Narrator: Continued...
Monday June 13,
2016
Twitter Complaints
Tags customer servie, customer support, trolling, social media, popularity, technology
Transcript
Dilbert: We're getting a lot of product complaints on Twitter. Boss: Tell those trolls to shut up and leave us alone. Dilbert: Uh... okay. CEO: Why did our stock just drop to zero? Boss: Sounds like a seasonal thing.