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Boss: How long would it take you to create artificial intelligence that is as smart as humans? Dilbert: It shouldn't take me long to dumb-down a computer to human levels. Boss: What? Dilbert: It might take five minutes, tops.
Dilbert: Did you finish the specs I asked you for last week? Ted: You didn't follow up with me on that, so I assumed you didn't need them. Dilbert: I didn't need to follow up. I asked for the specs by today, and you said you would have them done. Ted: Yes, but then you didn't ask me again. Dilbert: There was no reason to ask you again. Ted: Obviously there was a reason because asking me once didn't work. Dilbert: Can you finish it by next week? Ted: Yes. Dilbert: Good. Ted: As long as you follow up.
Boss: Why did you send me a sarcastic email response? Dilbert: I didn't. Boss: Then how do you explain this exclamation mark? Dilbert: I was pretending to be interested in what you said. Boss: Oh, okay. I like that.
Asok: I keep working hard, but no one notices. Wally: That's why I send out department-wide emails at around midnight every night. Asok: I didn't know you work at home every night. Wally: Do I need to speak slower here?
Dilbert: I finished coding the new feature. Boss: What took you so long? Dilbert: It took as long as it needed to take. Boss: You're behind schedule. Dilbert: I'm not the one who created the schedule! That was you!!! Maybe you should fire yourself for being so bad at making schedules. Boss: That's not how it works! Dilbert: What does that even mean? Boss: They're starting to catch on that most of what I say doesn't mean anything.
Asok: I'm thinking of getting a degree in business and moving onto the management track. Is it fun being a boss? Boss: It's the best! I haven't done anything hard since the day I got this job. I mostly just criticize idiots all day long. It's as if the company is paying me to do my hobby. Speaking of pay, my salary is about triple your pay. Asok: Is there any downside? Boss: I had a lot of guilt at first. Asok: It must have been awful. Boss: Yes, it was the longest ten minutes of my life.
Carol: I can't get the printer to work can you help? Dilbert: Sure, I'll be there as soon as I finish my twenty-seven tasks that are all higher priorities. Carol: How long will that take? Dilbert: I got three new tasks while you were here yammering.