Meets Goal Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

112 Results for Meets Goal

View 41 - 50 results for meets goal comic strips. Discover the best "Meets Goal" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2009's comic on:

Tags #dreams, #aspiration, #angry, #scared, #yelling, #economy, #screaming

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok says, "I'm recalibrating my hopes and dreams to be consistent with the state of the economy." Asok says, "My new goal is to not be smothered to death by an old mattress that falls off a salvage truck." Asok says, "And I am saving money by drinking nothing but mugs of stale air." Wally says, "You're scaring my coffee!"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2009's comic on:

Tags #stupidity, #ignorant, #cruel, #clueless, #angry, #yelling

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "I hired a temp to cover your job while you're on vacation." The boss says, "She's far more qualified than you, and her stated goal is to replace you but don't worry." Carol says, "How am I supposed to not worry about that?" The Boss says, "yoga?"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2008's comic on:

Tags #loser, #achieves nothing, #reality, #winner, #realistic goals, #genous, #have a pulse

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "Some people see me as a loser who achieves nothing." Wally says, "In reality I am a winner who knows how to set realistic goals." Dilbert says, "So you're sort of a genius." Wally says, "And yet my only goal was to have a pulse."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2008's comic on:

Tags #dogcart the ceo, #salary, #400x more, #admit your selfish, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "My salary is 400 times more than yours." Dogbert says, "My goal is to jack that up to 410, maybe 420." A woman says, "I hate you for this." Dogbert says, "So you admit you're selfish?"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2008's comic on:

Tags #powerpoint slide, #hired to identify, #goals of org., #show you sldie, #get paid

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert consultant Dogbert says, "I've been hired to identify the most important goals of your organization." Dilbert says, "how will you do that?" Dogbert says, "I'll ask you what they are, and you'll tell me." Dogbert says, "Then I'll put your answers on a PowerPoint slide." Dogbert says, "Next week I'll show you the slide and tell you to focus on your most important goals." Dogbert says, "Then I'll get paid. Because that's MY most important goal." Dogbert says, "WOO-HOO! CHA-CHING! CHA-CHING! CHA-CHING!" Dogbert says, "I lead by example."

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 2008's comic on:

Tags #goal, #rewrite law, #supply & demand, #toss a purr

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of human resources Asok: I need a goal. What can I do to get a raise? Catbert: Try rewriting the law of supply and demand. Asok: Harsh. Catbert: I have to toss a purr your way."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2007's comic on:

Tags #goals for th eyear, #replace my soul, #become immortal, #coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Wally, what are your goals for the coming year? Wally: My goal is to replace my soul with coffee and become immortal. The boss: I mean something about work. Wally: Oh, I thought you said MY goals."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 2006's comic on:

View Transcript

Transcript

We can kick a field goal in the ninth inning if we use a full-court press. "Remember that you drive for show but you pick up the spare for dough." "Have you been helping Alice with her sports metaphors?" "Perhaps."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 2006's comic on:

View Transcript

Transcript

"What the...? How can you be relaxed with so much work to do?" "Your mistake is taking pride in how much work you can complete." "You see, Alice, there's an infinite quantity of potential work." "But it's only possible to do a finite amount." "You have set yourself up for certain failure according to your own arbitrary standard." "By way of contrast, I take pride in not taking pride in my work." "I've already achieved my goal and it's not even lunch time yet." "Don't you need a new goal for after lunch?" "I'm aiming for a distended stomach."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 2006's comic on:

Tags #catch and release, #ceo seminar, #hurt fish, #inform life, #new spouse, #philosophy, #set free, #spin off compnay, #without making decisions, #be decisive

View Transcript

Transcript

"Welcome to Dogbert's catch-and-release CEO seminar." "Catch-and-release is more than a way to hurt fish for entertainment." "It's a philosophy that will inform your entire life." "For example, when you acquire a new company, wait a few years and then spin it off." "When you catch a new spouse, wait a few years and then set it free." Boot! "When you golf, hit that ball into a hole and then take it out." "Your ultimate goal is to look decisive without making any real decisions." "Good seminar. It makes fishing more fun when you know it hurts them!" "Ouch!"