Minute To Cool Comic Strips - Page 5

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185 Results for Minute To Cool

View 41 - 50 results for minute to cool comic strips. Discover the best "Minute To Cool" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #brain wash, #company profits, #more imprtant, #employers engagement, #12 hour days, #work for money

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Catbert: I'm going to brainwash you to believe company profits are more important than your health. It's called "employee engagement," and it will make you work 12-hour days while thinking you enjoy every minute of it. Dilbert: Can I just work for money? Catbert: Why are you being a jerk about this?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #thinking, #objection to plan, #potential problems, #works fine, #system used, #non zero chance, #get rid of hospitals, #idiot, #normal life

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Dilbert: Does anyone have an objection to this plan? Coworker: In my opinion, there are too many potential problems. Dilbert: This system has been used for years in other places and works fine. Coworker: There is still a non-zero chance of problems. Dilbert: By that logic, we should get rid of hospitals because sometimes they make mistakes. Coworker: Gaaa!!! I just realized I'm an idiot! Dilbert: You can still lead a normal life. Wally: It only stings for a minute.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #new philosophy, #live for today, #motto, #avoid starving tomorrow, #ruin every minute, #living in past, #gustave, #traded beaver pelts, #psychology

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Asok: I'm trying out a new philosophy for my life. My new motto is "Live for Today." Wally: If you live for today, how will you avoid starving tomorrow? If you do one little thing wrong today, it could ruin every minute of the rest of your life. Asok: So... I should live for the future. Wally: No, that would ruin today. I recommend living for the past. Asok: My past was no fun. Wally: Pretend you were someone else. Asok: My philosophy is that my name was Gustav and I traded beaver pelts. Dilbert: Stop ruining my present.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #punishment & torture, #punishment devices, #surveillance, #waterboard, #enjoy it, #not touched alot, #creepy, #turture techniques

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Abducted by the government NSA Agent: We're going to waterboard you now. Dilbert: Really? Cool. I don't get touched a lot, so I think I'll enjoy it. Is that all the water you brought? NSA Agent: Okay, this got creepy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dog, #facebook, #facebook page, #internet & world wide web, #linkedin, #stocks, #twitter, #websites, #work ethic, #working from home, #distractions, #animals

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Dilbert: I'm working at home today. It will be as if we're co-workers. Dogbert: Ugh. This madness must stop! You should check your Facebook page to see what's new. You should check Twitter. Dilbert: I'm almost finished with Facebook. Dogbert: Did you get my LinkedIn request? Dilbert: I'll check. Dogbert: I send you some links to funny websites. Dilbert: Cool! I just spent ten hours at my computer and I can't remember why I was sitting there in the first place. Dogbert: You were going to check your stocks. Dilbert: Okay. That sounds right. Two Hours Later. Two Hours Later. Two Hours Later.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #crimes, #engineers, #engineering question, #holiday lights, #homeless guy, #catapult, #satellite map, #fell off roof, #flight oath, #neighbors pool, #broken leg, #heartless

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Boss: Do you have a minute to answer an engineering question? My wife is out of town visiting her sister. She asked me to put up the holiday lights while she was gone. I hired a homeless guy to do it and he fell off the roof. What's the easiest way to get rid of the body before my wife comes home? Dilbert: Your question is disturbing, but I'm intrigued by the engineering part. Here's a design for a catapult you can build at home. And here's a satellite map showing the best flight path to a neighbor's pool. Did he die right away? Boss: No, just a broken leg.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #twins, #version of dlibert, #clone, #stylish and cool, #math, #ugly people, #education

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Boss: Dilbert, this is Lars. He's a better version of you. This is what you would look like if you were stylish and cool and fun to be with. Dilbert: Can it do math? Man: That will matter on the same day that all the ugly people die.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #death & dying, #funerals, #ashes, #cremation, #scattered, #outer space, #elbonian general, #intercontinental missile, #burden on living

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Dilbert: When I die, I want my ashes scattered in outer space. Dogbert: Cool! I'll bribe an Elbonian general to strap you to their intercontinental missile when we test it next week. Dilbert: It's better if the dying and the ash scattering are separate events. Dogbert: Don't be a burden on the living.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mental health, #crazy thought, #witness, #conference room, #fresh heck, #sadist, #sociopath

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Dilbert: Wait. Hold that crazy thought. I need to get a witness in the room. Alice, would you mind coming to the conference room for a minute? Alice: What fresh heck is this? Dilbert: Larry is a sadist and a sociopath, but he hides it when there's more than one witness. So, Larry, what do you think of my project? Coworker: It looks great! I'll be happy to help you in any way I can! Alice: Am I done here? Dilbert: Don't turn your back!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stock market, #good investment, #bitter, #last raise, #money

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Boss: The stock market is up today. I wonder if this is a good time to get in. Dilbert: If you wait until it goes up even further, then you'll know it's a good investment. Wally: Are you still bitter about your last raise? Dilbert: Not as much as I was a minute ago.