Never Born Comic Strips - Page 5

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649 Results for Never Born

View 41 - 50 results for never born comic strips. Discover the best "Never Born" comics from Dilbert.com.

Donating To Politicians

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Donating To Politicians - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, Politics, government, campaign, bribe, faith, drones, guns, sarcasm

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dilbert, boss and alice at table boss: i donated to a few campaigns, and coincidentally a law changed that i wanted changed. now it's legal for us to sell drones that are armed with machine guns. dilbert: i've never had less faith in my government. boss: i also got us a tax break.

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Clear Email From Boss

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Clear Email From Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, servers, request, email, reply, project, update, fight, business

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boss: why didn't you upgrade the servers like i asked? dilbert: you never asked me to do that. boss: yes, i did. i told you in an email. dilbert: no, you did not. boss: i know i saw it because you replied. dilbert: i replied to a different email. boss: okay, let me find the email and show you how wrong you are. see. it clearly says, "give me a project update by thursday." dilbert: which is...an entirely different topic. boss: why are you fighting me on this?

Employee Engagement Survey

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Employee Engagement Survey - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, underpay, senior, management, accurate, information, engagement, survey, important, underpaid

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boss: all out the employee engagement survey and make sure you lie like crazy. i don't want any accurate information to bubble up to senior management. dilbert: i've never felt less important. boss: good. that's why i can underpay you.

Wally Uses Deep Fake

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Wally Uses Deep Fake - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags video, conference, call, technology, elbonian, affordable

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dilbert: i liked what you said on the video conference call yesterday. i've never seen you so engaged and helpful. wally: that wasn't me. that was "deep fake wally." i created him to do all of my video calls. and i hired an elbonian to do all my coding jobs for a very affordable price. wally: these days. i only come to the office for the free coffee. dilbert: and the camaraderie? wally: sure.

Software Already Done

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Software Already Done - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, prototype, resources, software, program, miscommunication, frustration

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dilbert: what do you think? boss: this will never work. dilbert: this isn't a prototype. this is the finished software, and it's working. boss: i don't see how you can get this done in time. dilbert: it's already done. you are literally using it while we are talking. boss: we don't have the resources to program this. dilbert yelling: it's already done! you. are. using. it. right. now! boss: you'd better settle down, or you'll never get this finished.

Dogbert's Sensitivity Training

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Dogbert's Sensitivity Training - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office workers, class, training, sensitivity, offend, kill, hour

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dogbert: welcome to dogcart's sensitivity training dogbert passing out papers: today you will learn how to never offend anyone ever again class including dilbert: are you going to kill us? dogbert: no, no, no. after an hour of this class, you'll want to do it yourself.

Microaggressions

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Microaggressions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office workers, human resources, micro aggressions, hire, engineer

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catbert: someone reported you to human resources for all of your micro aggressions dilbert: what would be an example of one? catbert: it doesn't matter dilbert: it feels as of to should matter catbert: this is why engineers never get hired for human resources

Casserole For Pot Luck

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Casserole For Pot Luck - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Food, health & safety, office, office workers, casserole, potluck, inspection, home, kitchen

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tina: i brought a casserole for the potluck. when are you coming? dilbert: when was the last time the health department did an inspection of your home kitchen? tina: never dilbert: that's when i'll be going to the potluck.

Ron Moore

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Ron Moore - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, employees, insults, jokes, mistake, sales, customers

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Ron: Hi, I'm Ron Moore. Dilbert: Heh-heh. That's funny, because if you say your last name first, you're a "Moore, Ron". Okay, now I get why you never take me on sales calls.

Teambuilding Celebration

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Teambuilding Celebration - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags celebration, employees, office workers, parties, rules

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Boss: Dilbert, I want you to plan the team-building celebration. Make sure there is no alcohol, no dancing, no touching, no flirting, and no joking around. Dilbert: Can we eat? Boss: Only food that has never been near a peanut.