New Boss Comic Strips - Page 5
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1000 Results for New Boss
View 41 - 50 results for new boss comic strips. Discover the best "New Boss" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday June 23,
2021
Ted Will Train You
Tags business, managers & supervisors, training, absence, coffee, helpful, problem, successful, sarcasm
Transcript
boss: ask ted to show you how to do his job functions before he leaves for his new job. panel changes to office building. dilbert: what if he isn't helpful? boss: then i'll fire you for failing. panel changes back in office: dilbert: do you see any problem with the approach? boss: no. it's worked for years.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Saturday June 19,
2021
Potted Plant
Tags business, communication, job, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, employees, feelings, potted plant, new, boss
Transcript
ceo: the only reason you have a job is so i don't have to talk to employees. but i still talk to you every day, so i hired a potted plant to be your new boss. boss: i feel deeply insulted. ceo: see? a plant would never feel that way.
Friday June 18,
2021
Wally Helps The New Guy
Tags business, office workers, training, new, employment
Transcript
dilbert: wally, explain to the new guy what he needs to know about the project. wally: our pdr system is downstairs from the qrd data and the bmr, so don't order a gref or else the plr will get boodled. panel shows office building with man jumping out of window, voice: i quit
Thursday June 17,
2021
Wally The Rebel
Tags managers & supervisors, business, problem, authority, lazy, rebel, like it, business cards, sarcasm
Transcript
boss: wally, you have a problem with authority. wally: wow! i thought i was lazy. but maybe i'm actually a rebel. yes, i like it. can i add it to my business cards? boss yelling: no!
Monday June 14,
2021
Elbonian Hackers Attack
Tags business, business ethics, elbonian, hackers, attack, stole, database, ranking, employee, haircuts, sarcasm
Transcript
dilbert: elbonian hackers stole our employee performance ranking database, and now they demand a ransom payment to give it back. boss: they can keep it. we've been ranking employees solely on their haircuts for years, and no one has complained yet. dilbert: what? boss walking away: we will speak of this no more.
Sunday June 13,
2021
Non Disclosure Denied
Tags business, sales, sales personnel, nondisclosure agreement, product, new, waste, refusal, sign, company, vendor, lawyer, idiot
Transcript
salesman: i'll need you to sign a nondisclosure agreement before i can show you our new product. dilbert: you wasted a trip here because i won't be doing that. the fact that you even asked me to sign an nda tells me your company is incompetent. dilbert: i prefer giving my business to a vendor who can show me their product without getting a lawyer involved. salesman: you could sign it without having your lawyer review it. dilbert yelling: do i look like an idiot? salesman holding out nda toward dilbert. dilbert: well? do i? salesman: only form your chin to your forehead area.
Saturday June 12,
2021
Another Zoom Meeting
Tags business, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, meetings, zoom, scheduled, emptiness, soul, overeating, Advice
Transcript
dilbert on zoom call with boss. boss: we're having another zoom meeting at 4 p.m. dilbert: what's the topic? boss: its about how i fill the deep emptiness of my soul by scheduling zoom meetings. dilbert: have you tried overeating? that seems to work for me.
Thursday June 10,
2021
Asok Sighs Too Much
Tags business, relationships, relocate, sigh, innocent, metamorphosis, question, cubicle, intern
Transcript
alice: can you relocate asok's cubicle? he sighs to much, and it's bugging me. boss: he sighs because he is metamorphosing from an innocent intern into a disgruntled employee. boss to asok: how long is this gonna take? asok: sigh
Wednesday June 09,
2021
Deleting Before Audit
Tags business, business ethics, auditor, suspect, delete, database, believe, incriminating, hide
Transcript
internal auditor: i find it hard to believe you "accidentally" deleted a database just as i arrived. it makes me suspect you tried to hide something incriminating. boss: sounds like reasonable doubt to me.
Tuesday June 08,
2021
Internal Audit
Tags business, internal audit, unannounced, appearance, databases, delete, accident, blame, order
Transcript
dilbert: internal auditors just showed up unannounced. boss distressed: delete all of our databases and make it look like an accident! dilbert: they'd know i did it. boss: but they wouldn't know i ordered it.