No Project Code Comic Strips - Page 5

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798 Results for No Project Code

View 41 - 50 results for no project code comic strips. Discover the best "No Project Code" comics from Dilbert.com.

Can't Succeed Within The Rules

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Can't Succeed Within The Rules - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #failure, #managers & supervisors, #rules, #success

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dilbert: if i follow all of our internal rules, my project will fail because of delays. and if i don't follow the rules, you will fire me. what should i do? boss: i like the option where the project is a success but you're a failure.

The New Consultant

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The New Consultant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #success

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the new consultant: i'll need the support of every department to make this project a success. boss: i won't get any credit if your project succeeds, and you'll be gone in a month. consultant: can i count on you to not sabotage the project? boss: you're coming off as needy.

Finding A Scapegoat

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Finding A Scapegoat - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #project, #ceo, #scapegaot, #climate change

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the boss: we'll need a scapegoat to blame for our failure on this project. dilbert: no one will believe it wasn't our fault. the boss: are you kidding? the boss: people will believe anything. the boss: we just have to be the first to frame the situation. dilbert: i suppose we could make our lie sound credible. the boss: that's overkill. dilbert: we don't need to sound credible? the boss: not even a little. the boss is in ceo's office. the boss: our project failed because of climate change. ceo: that sounds right.

Drooling Incompetents

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Drooling Incompetents - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #competent, #incompetent

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wally at team meeting. wally: i've been asked to lead this project toward failure so my boss can convince our ceo to cancel it. wally: i'd like all of the competent people on the team to step aside, while the drooling incompetents who remain drive it into a ditch. office worker: how can we know who among us are the competent ones? wally: well, for starters, they don't ask that question.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget, #business, #office, #raise, #project

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the boss: i can't give you a raise because you did not complete your project. dilbert: that's because you canceled my project for budget reasons and assigned me to work on another project. the boss: did you finish your new project? dilbert: you only recently assigned it to me. the boss: apparently, i keep giving you work, but you never complete any of it. dilbert visually distressed: that is a total distortion of what happened! dilbert: i can't reward you for having good intentions and finishing nothing! dilbert: why not wait and see now i do on my current project? the boss: we don't need that anymore.

Employee Engagement

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Employee Engagement - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #office, #time, #engagement

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the boss: i'm assigning you to work on our employee engagement initiative. dilbert: does it matter that i think that project sounds like a complete waste of time? the boss: nah.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #email, #office workers, #project manager, #office, #liar, #photoshop

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office worker: why are you telling everyone my project got canceled? dilbert: i never said anything like that. office worker: you're such a liar. i saw your email to ted. dilbert: if i show you that email right now, and it says nothing about your project... will you admit you were wrong and humbly apologize to me? office worker: i don't think i can commit to that. dilbert: well, anyway, here it is, and you can plainly see you were wrong. office worker: this looks photo-shopped. dilbert: i don't see a winning path for me here.

Twitch Gets You More Work

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Twitch Gets You More Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #communication, #office, #office workers, #project

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the boss: does anyone have an idea for fixing our communication problem with marketing? dilbert, alice, wally and asok thinking: must...not...speak or else he will assign the project to me. the boss: i saw your eye twitch. the project is all yours. alice: GAAAA!!! visually upset

Bad Planning

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Bad Planning - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #teamwork, #team, #deadline

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ted: i need your help on my project today, or i'll miss my deadline. dilbert: are you trying to turn your lack of planning into my problem? ted: i was hoping you would be a team player. dilbert: i'm holding out for an offer from a better team.

Welcome Baskets

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Welcome Baskets - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #racism, #new employee

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alice, the boss and ask at table. the boss: i need a volunteer to assemble welcome baskets for our new hires. alice: i recommend ask the intern because obviously, it would be sexist to ask a women to do it. the boss: good point. ask, the project is yours. ted thinking: racist.