Non Urgency Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

93 Results for Non Urgency

View 41 - 50 results for non urgency comic strips. Discover the best "Non Urgency" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"Welcome to Dogbert's school of management." "In today's lesson you will learn how to get your employees to do the impossible." "I have issued to each of you one large rock for practice." "Throw your rock in the air and demand that it stay there without falling." "Offer some non-monetary compensation to your rock to incent it." "If your rock refuses to comply, try yelling at it. Go." bonk! - "OW!" bonk! - "OW!" bonk! - "OW!" bonk! - "OW!" bonk! - "OW!" bonk! - "OW!" "For those of you who stood directly below your rock, congratulations. Pick up your diploma on the way out."

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

Is it more important to follow our documented process or to meet the deadline? "I only ask because our deadline is arbitrary and our documented process was pulled out of someone's lower torso." "Where's your artificial sense of urgency?" "Teamwork killed it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"Asok, you've done a good job this quarter so I'm going to toss a little non-monetary compensation your way." "Tell me some boring story about your life and I'll pretend to enjoy it." "And the story should involve pirates. Go."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"Alice, our budget is tight so I've been asked to reward you with non-monetary compensation." "Do you know Ken in marketing? You can punch him as hard as you want." "Does Ken know about this?" "People love surprises."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"When you worked here, you signed a non-compete agreement." "It clearly states that you are not allowed to earn money, sleep indoors, procreate or seek medical care." "Section 5B describes what you must now do with this ceremonial dagger."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

Your management performance has been abysmal. I'm afraid I have to minimize you. "Minimize? Is that like downsize?" "Downsizing is only for non-managers." "Abysmal managers get minimized. Follow me." "Your new office is the size of a refrigerator crisper." "You will have no direct reports and your job title will be 'Director of Unnecessary and Special Projects.'" "Can I ever be maximized?" "Maybe if some other manager jumps off the roof." "You're right - the view up here is spectacular!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #upgrade computer, #non standard equipment, #cubicle, #den, #non stardard, #onitor, #healing, #clense, #upgraded computer, #abacus

View Transcript

Transcript

I asked the I.T. department to upgrade my computer. "They're coming here??!" "We must hide our non-standard equipment!" "Uh-oh." "So-o-o... this den of non-standardization must be your cubicle." "This non-standard printer is coming with me. And I don't remember that monitor on our list." "I must cleanse your cubicle of non-conformancce so the healing can begin." "Surely my upgraded computer will arrive soon." Months later "Abacus?" "Please shut up."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #video compression, #electrical engineer, #only non engineeer, #stating obvious, #condescending

View Transcript

Transcript

Let me explain what video compression is... "Would you stop if I pointed out that everyone in this room except you is an electrical engineer?" "Zeros are round and fat compared to ones..." "I'm begging you..."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cancelled vacations, #non refundable, #tickets, #tahiti, #exception, #look skeptical, #coffee, #break room

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: You cancelled all vacations but I have non-refundable plane tickets to tahiti. So I should be an exception to ...the ...um....you look skeptical. Dilbert: I dont think Tahiti would let you in. Wally: why does everyone say that?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #approval for expenses, #sounds suspious, #heart transplant, #note from surgeon, #illiterate surgeon, #non credible guy

View Transcript

Transcript

The non-credible guy "Did you get approval for these expenses?" "What? Oh, yes, I did." "Why does everything you say sound suspicious?" "Because I just had a heart transplant." "I'd like to see a note from your surgeon." "He's illiterate."