Process Manager Comic Strips - Page 5

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268 Results for Process Manager

View 41 - 50 results for process manager comic strips. Discover the best "Process Manager" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manager, #inspiration, #entrepreneur, #risk, #irony, #catch-22, #creativity, #creative, #motivation

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Boss: I want you to think like entrepreneurs. Dilbert: Should we take huge risks? Boss: No, the stockholders would hate that. Alice: Should we act as though we have no boss? Boss: NO. That would be chaos. Dilbert: Will we become billionaires if we succeed? Boss: Raises are capped at 3% this year. I'm just saying you should be more creative. Dilbert: and then we should act? Boss: No, that's when the problems happen.

Boss Falls Off Bridge

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Boss Falls Off Bridge - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #walking, #meeting, #meetings, #accident, #difficult, #gimmick, #manager, #idea, #ideas, #distraction, #Sports, #business

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Boss: My new thing is taking long walks instead of having meetings. Wow. It is hard to walk, read, think, talk, and drink coffee at the same time. Dilbert: He fell off a bridge. Carol: That's why I schedule walking meetings for him.

Solving Problems In Interviews

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Solving Problems In Interviews - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #interview, #trick, #thinking, #problem

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Job Interview. Boss: Tell me your process for solving this sort of problem. Man: I would ignore it for a week and likely discover that it wasn't important in the first place. If it still matters after a week, I would hold fake job interviews and ask people how to solve it. Boss: Apparently, that doesn't work.

Manager Of The Year Award

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Manager Of The Year Award - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #attendance, #manager, #management, #laissez faire, #cause and effect, #award, #accolade

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Catbert: Employees voted you "Manager of the Year." As usual, this honor is going to the manager with the worst attendance. We're hoping it's more of a correlation than a causation thing.

Wall The Company Taint

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Wall The Company Taint - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Promotion, #manager, #taint, #success

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Wally: You're looking at the new vice president of zombie projects. The projects that will neither succeed nor be canceled are transferred to me so the other VP's avoid their taint. Alice: I guess that makes you the company's taint. Wally: I wear that label proudly.

Hire People Smarter Than You

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Hire People Smarter Than You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insult, #insulting, #insults, #intelligence, #managers, #obliviousness, #Promotion, #samrter, #perfect manager

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Boss: Are you interested in becoming a manager? Dilbert: That would never work. Managers are supposed to hire people who are smarter than they are. That's easy for you, but how would I ever find anyone to hire? Boss: I don't understand. Dilbert: And that makes you the perfect manager.

Engineering

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Engineering - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #hiring, #negativity, #personality tests, #resumes, #special algorithms, #personality, #stupidity, #engineering, #psychology

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Catbert: No one looks at resumes anymore. Now we use special algorithms to see where your personality fits in our culture. Man: That process sounds like a steaming pile of stupidity that will beat itself to death in a few years. Catbert: I'll start you in engineering. You'll fit right in.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #apathy, #managers & supervisors, #new strategy, #engineers, #middle manager, #glue, #binds, #vague objectives, #business

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Carol: What did our CEO have to say? Boss: He has a new strategy, but it seems vague. Carol: What will the engineers think about it? Boss: They don't care about this stuff. Carol: What exactly does a middle manager do? Boss: We're the glue that binds the apathy to the vague objectives.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #ephermal middel manager, #look stupid, #business

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Boss: Say hello to the ephemeral middle manager. But hurry because he won't last long. Dilbert: Hi, I'm... Boss: Now you just look stupid.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineer, #good manager, #leads by example, #managers & supervisors, #middle manager, #monster truck rallies, #suspicion, #teaching, #education, #business, #engineering

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Boss: A goo manager leads by example. How does it help an engineer to see an example of how to be a middle manager? Dilbert: That's like teaching physics by showing examples of monster truck rallies. Alice: Should we say dumb things, too, or have you not started leading by example yet? Wally: Now what is he doing/ Are we supposed to do that? Dilbert: I think he's leading by example now! Boss: I'm starting to wonder if everything I read on the Internet is wrong.