Project Post Mortem Comic Strips - Page 5
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692 Results for Project Post Mortem
View 41 - 50 results for project post mortem comic strips. Discover the best "Project Post Mortem" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday June 23,
2019
Tags #budget, #business, #office, #raise, #project
Transcript
the boss: i can't give you a raise because you did not complete your project. dilbert: that's because you canceled my project for budget reasons and assigned me to work on another project. the boss: did you finish your new project? dilbert: you only recently assigned it to me. the boss: apparently, i keep giving you work, but you never complete any of it. dilbert visually distressed: that is a total distortion of what happened! dilbert: i can't reward you for having good intentions and finishing nothing! dilbert: why not wait and see now i do on my current project? the boss: we don't need that anymore.
Thursday June 20,
2019
Employee Engagement
Tags #business, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #office, #time, #engagement
Transcript
the boss: i'm assigning you to work on our employee engagement initiative. dilbert: does it matter that i think that project sounds like a complete waste of time? the boss: nah.
Sunday May 19,
2019
Tags #business, #email, #office workers, #project manager, #office, #liar, #photoshop
Transcript
office worker: why are you telling everyone my project got canceled? dilbert: i never said anything like that. office worker: you're such a liar. i saw your email to ted. dilbert: if i show you that email right now, and it says nothing about your project... will you admit you were wrong and humbly apologize to me? office worker: i don't think i can commit to that. dilbert: well, anyway, here it is, and you can plainly see you were wrong. office worker: this looks photo-shopped. dilbert: i don't see a winning path for me here.
Saturday May 11,
2019
Twitch Gets You More Work
Tags #business, #communication, #office, #office workers, #project
Transcript
the boss: does anyone have an idea for fixing our communication problem with marketing? dilbert, alice, wally and asok thinking: must...not...speak or else he will assign the project to me. the boss: i saw your eye twitch. the project is all yours. alice: GAAAA!!! visually upset
Friday May 10,
2019
Bad Planning
Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #teamwork, #team, #deadline
Transcript
ted: i need your help on my project today, or i'll miss my deadline. dilbert: are you trying to turn your lack of planning into my problem? ted: i was hoping you would be a team player. dilbert: i'm holding out for an offer from a better team.
Tuesday April 30,
2019
Welcome Baskets
Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #racism, #new employee
Transcript
alice, the boss and ask at table. the boss: i need a volunteer to assemble welcome baskets for our new hires. alice: i recommend ask the intern because obviously, it would be sexist to ask a women to do it. the boss: good point. ask, the project is yours. ted thinking: racist.
Tuesday April 09,
2019
Post Mortem
Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #project, #idiots
Transcript
the boss around a conference table: let's do a post-mortem on our failed project to see what we did wrong. dilbert: we allowed idiots to make decisions. the boss: you say that every time. dilbert: i haven't been wrong yet.
Tuesday February 19,
2019
Helping Ted
Tags #engineering, #frustration, #help, #office, #office workers
Transcript
Boss: I need you to help Ted on his project. He seems to be struggling. Dilbert: That would doom two projects - mine would suffer from neglect, and Ted would re-bungle anything I fix. Boss: Maybe Ted can help you on your project. Dilbert: Gaaaaa!!!
Monday February 18,
2019
Health Problems
Tags #age, #complaining, #health, #office, #office workers
Transcript
Alice: Do me a favor and never put me on a project with people over the age of forty. They waste the first fifteen minutes of every meeting talking about their health problems. Boss: Did you say something? I can't hear you over my tinnitus.
Saturday February 09,
2019
Social Media Mind Control
Tags #control, #social media, #selfie, #smartphone
Transcript
Wally: Are you worried that the algorithms used by social media platforms are a form of mind control? Boss: I...am not...worried about...that. Wally: Maybe we should have had this conversation sooner. Boss: Must...post...selfie...