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92 Results for Rarely Happens

View 41 - 50 results for rarely happens comic strips. Discover the best "Rarely Happens" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cow supervisor, #bovine overlord, #usurper, #food chain, #kind of cool, #position in food chain

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Cow supervisor A cow says, "Try not to think of me as a cow who happens to be your supervisor." The cow says, "Think of me as your bovine overlord, the usurper of your position in the food chain." Dilbert says, "I'd be lying if I said that didn't make it feel kind of cool." The cow says, "Say you'd die for me!"

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #appear to be concerned, #decision making, #frequently thwarted, #impractical advice, #no one decides, #perpetual problems, #rarely disappointed, #unwarranted optimism

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Dilbert says, "I have an issue." The Boss says, "Lordy lord." Dilbert says, "No one in the department wants to be left out of the decision making." Dilbert says, "But no one is willing to make a decision." Dilbert says, "As a result, all of my problems are perpetual." Dilbert says, "Can you do something about that?" The Boss says, "I can appear to be concerned. How's this expression?" Dilbert says, "Can you combine that with some impractical advice and unwarranted optimism?" Dilbert says, "I'm frequently thwarted, but rarely disappointed."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #disciuss company politics, #career monefield, #project, #new strategic direction, #upcoming reorganization, #plan to criticize, #something good happens

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The Boss: "I'm not allowed to discuss the company politics that form a career minefield around your project." "And I can't tell you the company's new strategic direction, or anything about our upcoming reorg." The boss: "My plan is to criticize you until something good happens."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiate, #reserchers, #two computers, #women dont, #more complaining

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Tina: "Why does Dilbert get two computer monitors while I only get one?" The Boss: "Well, according to researchers, it's because men tend to negotiate and women don't." Tina: "So, what happens now?" The Boss: "If I had to guess, I'd say more complaining."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #punching people, #high rates, #ridiculous combpver, #punch face in, #regain element, #surprise, #therapy session, #couch, #expressing

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Alice: I can't stop punching people who deserve to be punched. For example, your high rates and ridiculous combover make me want to punch your face in. Therapist: But you won't right? Alice: Lets see what happens when I regain the element of surprise.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Can I ask you a question?" "Sure, new guy." "How long do I need to work here before..." "...the dark cloud of hopelessness and despair begins to lift?" "I keep expecting the feeling to go away any minute." "I was hoping to achieve job satisfaction within a month." "Once that happens, I figure that total self-actualization can't be far behind." "I'd give it another day or two." "Any minute now."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I spent my entire day planning and scheduling future work, and no time doing work." "Tomorrow I plan to spend the entire day explaining why I didn't have time to do work." "It hurts less if I call it a plan." "What happens if you call it your purpose?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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What happens if I add the lies from marketing to my boss's assumptions...then factor in some reality? KABOOM! "Stupid reality."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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I was wondering if you could stop by this weekend and show me how to install my wireless network. "Under what theory are the competent obliged to help the incompetent?" "Wow. This is awkward." "Watch what happens when I just stare at you."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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What does MFU2 mean on your timeline? "That's Management Foul-Up number two. It usually happens around the third week." "We don't anticipate any management mistakes." "That's MFU1."