Read Contract Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

295 Results for Read Contract

View 41 - 50 results for read contract comic strips. Discover the best "Read Contract" comics from Dilbert.com.

Strategy Document

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Strategy Document - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags strategy, obliviousness, insult

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I saw your email about destroying the company. Boss: Huh? The only email I sent you was my strategy for the coming year. Dilbert: Well, maybe I read it too fast.

Wally Gives Approval

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Gives Approval - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, signature, ignorance, reading, fine print

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I need everyone's buy-in on this. Wally: Do I have to read it? Dilbert: No. Wally: That's the sort of idea I can get behind.

Alice Gives Approval

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Gives Approval - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deal, support, negotiations

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our pointy-haired boss asked me to get everyone's buy-in on this. Alice: I'll agree to your stupid idea if you support my great idea later. Dilbert: Deal. Alice: Should I read it? Dilbert: I don't see why.

Tell Me What Was In The Email

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tell Me What Was In The Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags email, laziness, attention, detail, tldr

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I don't have time to read your long email. Tell me what it said. Dilbert: I wrote a long email because a summary would be dangerously misleading. Boss: I'll be the judge of that. Dilbert: How?!!!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags election, voting, technology, fraud, cheating, vote, Politics

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We won a contract to write software for voting machines. Dilbert: Who do you want to be president? Boss: Why do you ask? Dilbert: Because I want you to be happy. Boss: You're implying that you plan to fudge the system. Dilbert: I'm not implying anything like that. Obviously, it will be easy to fudge the data, and we are far happier when you're in a good mood. But I would never commit a crime just because it is good for ma and totally undetectable. Boss: Okay, good. Dilbert: So who do you want to win and by how much?

Don't Read Long Emails

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Don't Read Long Emails - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags email, tldr, communication, assumption, honesty

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: You didn't answer my email. Dilbert: I don't read long email messages. Long emails are a sign of a disorganized mind. I try to avoid contact with that sort of person. Man: And yet, here I am. Dilbert: I didn't say it works every time.

Emoji Death Contract

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Emoji Death Contract - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags crime, communication, miscommunication, text, emoji, language, murder, accident, coverup, conspiracy

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: We killed Ted, as you ordered in your clever text message full of emojis. Boss: That wasn't what I... Dilbert: Deniability. Got it. Wally: We didn't have this conversation.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer, robot, replacement, doctor, medicine, obsolete, job, diagnose, necessity, technology, invention, business, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Doctor: IBM's Watson supercomputer has diagnosed your symptoms. The computer just ordered the meds you need. They will be delivered in an hour by drone. Dilbert: Looks like your job as a doctor is becoming obsolete. Doctor: Ha ha! No. You still need a doctor and a nurse to make the system work. For example, the computer can't read its own screen and speak those words to patients. Dilbert: Actually, it can. Doctor: But the computer doesn't have a nurse. Dilbert: What does the nurse do? Nurse: I stab him if he tries to do more than read the screen.

Boss Falls Off Bridge

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Falls Off Bridge - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags walking, meeting, meetings, accident, difficult, gimmick, manager, idea, ideas, distraction, Sports, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: My new thing is taking long walks instead of having meetings. Wow. It is hard to walk, read, think, talk, and drink coffee at the same time. Dilbert: He fell off a bridge. Carol: That's why I schedule walking meetings for him.

Robots Read News Of Supreme Court Ruling

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robots Read News Of Supreme Court Ruling - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags supreme court, partisan politics, engineers, morals, legislation, conservatism, liberal, guilt, innocence

View Transcript

Transcript

Robots Read News. Robot: The Supreme Court ruled that engineers cannot be found guilty of murder. Lawyers argued that any good engineer knows how to get away with murder, so getting caught is proof of innocence. The ruling was unanimous because no one could figure out which side was the liberal one.