Reading Zero Comic Strips - Page 5

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238 Results for Reading Zero

View 41 - 50 results for reading zero comic strips. Discover the best "Reading Zero" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2011's comic on:


Tags #debates, #discussion, #ognorant, #arrogant, #reading comprehension, #logic

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Man: Your email was ignorant and arrogant. Dilbert: How do you know it isn't just a reading comprehension problem on your end? Let's use logic to see which one of us is right. Bad decision 2. Bad decision 3.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 2010's comic on:


Tags #long email, #waste of time, #deleted, #free to tell, #contents, #without reducing prodcutivity, #improving communication

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Coworker says, "Did you read my long e-mail?" Dilbert says, "Not yet. What's it about?" Coworker says, "I can't say." Coworker says, "If I tell you what I wrote, the effort I put into writing the e-mail will be transformed into a waste of time." Dilbert says, "I just decided to delete your e-mail before reading it. Therefore it is already wasted." Dilbert says, "You are now free to tell me its contents without reducing your productivity." Coworker says, "Oh. Okay." Coworker says, "It was something about improving communication. But I worded it better." Coworker says, "Maybe you should read it." Dilbert says, "Maybe you should."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 13, 2010's comic on:


Tags #recalibarating, #faith in humanity, #reading opinions, #message boards

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Dilbert: what are you up to? Im recalibrating my lack of faith in humanity, dilbertL will this take long? Dogbert: no, I start by reading opinions awn message boards and.... Dilbert: I can come back later. Dogbert: You ignorant juice bag

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #boss, #angry, #annoyed, #motivate, #fail, #read face, #wave hand, #business

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Wally says, "Once again, you have failed to motivate me." Wally says, "You said we shouldn't be motivated by money, so I'm waiting for the new thing to kick in." Wally says, "I'm not good at reading faces, but I think there's something happening over in this region."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2010's comic on:


Tags #presentation, #powerpoint, #ghost, #ignore, #read, #run, #boo, #injury, #bandage, #hit person

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Dilbert says, "The status of my project is that apparently I died and became a ghost." Dilbert says, "I don?t remember dying, but the evidence of my untimely demise is clear." Dilbert says, "In the past week, no one has returned my phone calls or replied to my emails." Dilbert says, "When I try to print a document, I get nothing but error messages." Dilbert says, "Now all of you are looking at your phones and reading materials as if no one is speaking to you." Dilbert says, "I will now test my ghost theory by running through a living person." Dilbert says, "BOOOO!!!" Dilbert says, "Good news. I'm alive but unworthy of attention." Dogbert says, "I'm trying to watch a show."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #technical jargon, #lame, #condescending, #integration layer, #insult, #head, #business

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Wally says, "This week I mapped our applications to our domains and defined the interface between our applications and our software environment." Wally says, "Whatever you did this week probably seems lame compared to all of that." Wally says, "The stuff I'm doing is way up here in what's called in the integration layer." The Boss says, "What's he's been reading?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 2010's comic on:


Tags #tech support, #sit at computer, #annoying, #read book online, #microphone

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Dogbert's Tech Support Dogbert says, "Email me a list of the things you already tried." Dogbert says, "I'll go down the list and make you try every single thing again, sometimes more than once." Dogbert says, "And take your time because I'm reading a really good book online."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #letter, #ceo, #reading, #good fortune, #share, #winery, #wine, #angry, #helicopters, #human chess board, #frighten, #dwarves, #business

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The Boss says, "Our CEO wants to share his good fortune with all employees." The Boss says, "He invites all of you to visit his winery and buy his non-award-winning wine at nearly retail prices." The Boss says, "He asks that you not park your helicopters near his human chess board because it frightens the dwarves."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 2009's comic on:


Tags #man, #sitting, #meeting, #contract, #reading, #skipping, #failure, #inefficient, #business

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Dilbert says, "My company typically takes about four months to negotiate this type of contract." Dilbert says, "And during that time there's a 100% chance that we'll change our minds or you'll discontinue this product." Dilbert says, "Shall we save some time by declaring failure and blaming each other?" Man says, "I gave up before I even handed you the contract."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 2009's comic on:


Tags #assignment, #delegating, #logic, #crumpling, #unnatural, #useless

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the Boss says, "Dilbert, I need you to take care of?um?" The Boss says, "?.Whatever is on the top of my pile." Dilbert says, "This is a job for marketing. Not engineering." The Boss says, "Give it to the director of marketing and ask him to assign it to someone." Dilbert says, "So...you're delegating to me to pass this off to someone else, who will delegate it to someone else." Dilbert says, "With each handoff, the sense of urgency will diminish until the likelihood of completion approaches zero." Dilbert says, "You could save the company money by crumpling up this document and throwing it away right now." The boss says, "This feels wrong." Dilbert says, "Try using more wrist."