Record Loss Comic Strips - Page 5
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View 41 - 50 results for record loss comic strips. Discover the best "Record Loss" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wally, the boss, Dilbert and Alice are in a meeting. Wally says, "It's time now for the weekly Wally report." Wally says, "By Tuesday the pointy-haired troll had dumped record levels of work on poor Wally." Wally says, "Wally's happiness was in extreme jeapardy." Wally says, "It was a moral dilemma too." Wally says, "Would Wally disappoint the stockholders to save his own skin?" Wally says, "Or would he fight with his last ounce of happiness to complete all the assignments?" Wally says, "In the end there was only one choice." Dilbert says, "You wrote the Wally report instead of working?" Wally says, "Stop reading ahead!"
Catbert stands on a desk facing the Boss. Catbert says, "We'll take away the cubicle walls and force emplyees to work in an "open plan" office." Catbert says, "Surveillance cameras will record their every move. We'll monitor phone calls and web use. We'll even test their blood!" The Boss says, "Can we flog them?" Catbert says, "Whoa, cowboy! Wait for phase two."
Dilbert, Wally, and Alice are sitting at a table. Wally holds a pill bottle and says, "Look at the warning label on Alice's antidepressants." Wally continues, "It can cause fatigue disorientation, memory loss, and lack of sex." Dilbert responds, "I wonder how long we've been taking them." Wally replies, "There's no way to know."
Sales Conference: Dilbert and Wally are giving a presentation. Dilbert points to a blank computer monitor and says, "Here's the product you'll be selling next quarter." Wally says, "It has NO user interface!" Wally says, 'That means no bulky user manual. And no loss of function during a power outage!" Dilbert carries the monitor away and says, "You were right. Our sales people can't distinguish good from evil." Wally stretches his mouth open with his fingers and says, "I strained a smile muscle." Behind them, the sales people applaud (clap, clap, clap).
Bill the Dinosaur says to Dogbert, "I don't understand why any intelligent investor would put money in a fund that has no track record." Dogbert says, "I try to steer clear of intelligent investors." A man comes up and hands Dogbert a bag of money. "Here's my life savings, " he says. The man says, "Do you want my name and address?" Dogbert holds the money and says, "No. I trust you."
The Boss approaches Dilbert and Alice carrying a box. He says, "Great news! The company set a new record for profits!" The Boss continues, "That means t-shirts for everyone!" The Boss continues, "You can choose from sizes 'small,' 'petite' or 'elfin.'" Alice holds up a shirt and asks, "Shouldn't these have the company name or logo on them?" The Boss replies, "Hey, that's an idea for next year!" Alice reads the label and says, "It's 1 percent cotton, 99 percent 'miscellaneous' and all hand-made by authentic slave laborers." Dilbert replies, "That's great! With slave labor you don't have the problem that the shirts made on Fridays aren't as good!" Alice asks, "Do you ever worry that our career expectations have gotten too low?" Dilbert says, "Don't go there, Alice." Wally walks in wearing a small shirt and says, "'Casual day,' here I come!"
Dilbert and Liz are having tea with Dilbert's mother, who says, "It's really different around here since we lost Dilbert's dad." Liz asks, "When did he die?" Dilbert says, "He's not dead. We lost him at the mall, Christmas of '92." Liz looks shocked and asks, "Shouldn't you be looking for him?" Dilbert's mom replies, "I said it's different, not worse."
Dilbert walks outside with Liz. Dilbert asks her, "If I left engineering and became a manager would I be as sexy as I am now, Liz?" Liz responds, "I think it would decrease your sex appeal by 17%. But that's just a planning number." Dilbert and Liz sit on the couch. Dilbert asks, "What if I got my ham radio license to compensate for the loss?" Liz replies, "Look at my arm: goose bumps."
Dogbert stands on a desk chair. Dogbert tells Dilbert, "I can't decide if it would be better to conquer the world by building an army or starting a religion." Dilbert asks, "Which one would have the least loss of life?" Dogbert replies, "That's what I'm trying to calculate on this spreadsheet." Dilbert asks, "Why are you counting law students as two-tenths of a person?" Dogbert replies, "It doesn't drop to zero until they pass the bar."
Dilbert and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Dilbert says, "Sometimes I worry that I'll never be creative again. Maybe my best ideas are behind me." Wally replies, "Oh, I wouldn't worry. Nothing you've done up to now has been any great shakes either." Dilbert says, "Ooh, so maybe my best work is still ahead of me." Wally replies, "Well, you have to consider the track record here."