Report To Alice Comic Strips - Page 5
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1000 Results for Report To Alice
View 41 - 50 results for report to alice comic strips. Discover the best "Report To Alice" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday December 13,
2018
Alice Writes Own Review
Tags #boss, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #performance, #sarcasm, #review
Transcript
Boss: I'm asking everyone to write their own performance reviews. Alice: "She shone like the light of a thousand suns." Boss: Slop some jargon on that and put a bow on it. Alice: Got it.
Sunday December 09,
2018
Tags #communication, #frustrated, #office, #office workers, #talking
Transcript
Dilbert: Did Alice talk to you about the cost estimates? Ted: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: I can't hear you. Ted: Mumble mumble!!! Dilbert: Now you're just mumbling louder. Ted: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: Maybe you could turn toward me when you mumble and I can try to read your lips. Ted: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: I'm getting something about grapes, windshields, asthma, and blockchain. Ted: I didn't say any of those things. Dilbert: Okay. I understood that sentence. Now answer my question the same way. Ted: Mumble mumble.
Friday December 07,
2018
Keeping The Worthless People
Tags #boss, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #salary, #incompetence
Transcript
Boss: I've noticed that 20% of my employees do 80% of the work around here. But I need to keep all of the worthless employees because my pay is based on how many people report to me. Catbert: Doesn't their incompetence bother you? Boss: Not since I found a way to get paid for it.
Tuesday December 04,
2018
Afraid Of Alice
Tags #employees, #engineering, #fear, #request
Transcript
Tina: Did Alice find the data I need? Dilbert: Why don't you ask her? Tina: I'm afraid of her. Dilbert: You're not afraid of me? Tina: I've seen you try to lift a box of printer paper. Dilbert: Paper is heavier than it looks.
Monday December 03,
2018
Company Cheer
Tags #boss, #business, #employees, #jobs, #managers & supervisors, #meetings, #corporations
Transcript
Boss: Our new corporate owners want us to gather every morning to do the company cheer. Alice: I quit. Dilbert: I quit. Voice: I quit. Voice 2: I quit. Boss: That's not the company cheer. Dilbert: It is now.
Monday November 26,
2018
Blockchain Versus Databases
Tags #boss, #computers, #office workers, #questions
Transcript
Dilbert: And we can put the customer data on the blockchain. Alice: Why not use an immutable database instead? Dilbert: Which way should we go? Boss: Are either of them my favorite color?
Tuesday November 20,
2018
Boss Email Password
Tags #business, #competition, #email, #obliviousness, #security, #strategy
Transcript
Boss: We need to find out who leaked our strategy to our competition. Alice: Is your email password still 123? Boss: Stop changing the subject.
Thursday November 15,
2018
Complaining Versus Hiding
Tags #boss, #complaining, #employees, #employment, #jobs, #managers & supervisors
Transcript
Asok: I'm doing the job of three people and it isn't fair. Boss: Good point. Alice is doing the job of seven people. I'll give you two of her jobs to balance it out. Wally: So...is complaining better than hiding? Asok: No...you were right.
Wednesday November 14,
2018
Complaining About Ted
Tags #complaining, #computer software, #engineering, #office, #office workers
Transcript
Dilbert: I took over Ted's software project. Everything he did was inefficient and stupid. Okay, we're done here. I'm checking you off my list. Alice: How many people are you complaining to? Dilbert: I trimmed the list to three hundred.
Saturday November 10,
2018
Fyi Boss
Tags #boss, #email, #managers & supervisors
Transcript
Boss: I've decided to be more of an "FYI Boss". I'll forward emails that already went to every employee and add a note saying, "FYI". Dilbert: Do you call that managing? Boss: No, I call it leading.