Ruin Productivity Comic Strips - Page 5

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143 Results for Ruin Productivity

View 41 - 50 results for ruin productivity comic strips. Discover the best "Ruin Productivity" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert Thinks He Is Ready To Babysit

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Dilbert Thinks He Is Ready To Babysit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #babysitting, #babysitter, #inexperience, #children, #parents, #cell phone, #communication, #Family, #technology

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Dilbert: What's your mobile number in case I need to reach you while I"m babysitting your kids tonight? Carol: My phone is already turned off so the kids don't ruin my date night by texting every ten minutes. Dilbert: I can't tell if I'm prepared for tonight. Wally: Did you get their address?

Dilbert Characters

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management, #strategy, #productivity, #humane, #inhumane, #treatment, #surveillance, #watching, #privacy, #work, #office workers

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Boss: We are going to start monitoring employee productivity in real time. Any questions? Dilbert: I need one clarification. Are you saying you removed the last shred of human dignity from our jobs and reduced us to nothing but a meat machine that suffers in a state of perpetual inadequacy as each person is compared to an arbitrary and ever-growing goal until there is no realistic way for the employee to find happiness through natural means? Boss: That's one way to look at it.

Wally Resists The Tyranny Of Productivity

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Wally Resists The Tyranny Of Productivity - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #useless, #laziness, #productivity, #flaw, #strength, #health

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Wally: Some people say uselessness is a character flaw. I see it as the natural result of mindful resistance to the tyranny of productivity. Dilbert: Where do you think food comes from? Wally: From my critics. It's a great system.

Employees Keep Agreeing

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Employees Keep Agreeing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #furniture, #office, #arrangement, #laziness, #loophole, #efficiency, #management, #work ethic, #excuse

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Boss: I told the employees about our plan to boost productivity by changing the floor layout. Now they claim they can't get their work done because the current floor plan is inefficient. Hoe do I get them to stop agreeing with me? CEO: What do you usually do?

Four Hour Meeting

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Four Hour Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #decision, #decisions, #meeting, #meetings, #productivity, #time, #time management, #business

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Boss: Yesterday, in our four-hour meeting, we agreed to postpone the vendor selection. Dilbert: No, we agreed to use our existing vendor. Asok: I thought we agreed to cancel the whole project. Dilbert: We might need some clarity on this. Boss: Four more hours should do it.

Useful Meetings

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Useful Meetings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #meetings, #productivity, #leadership, #business

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Boss: I need you to come to a meeting now. Dilbert: Can I do something useful instead? Boss: The meeting will be useful. Dilbert: More useful than what I'm doing? Boss: How would I know? Dilbert: Is all leadership random or just yours?

If You Double Your Productivity

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If You Double Your Productivity - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #productivity, #work ethic, #reward, #wages, #double-standard, #money

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Dilbert: If I double my productivity, will you double my pay? Boss: No, but it might increase my bonus. So go ahead. Dilbert: Let's forget I brought it up. Boss: You just earned a "lazy" on your next review.

Dilbert And Alice Add Features

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Dilbert And Alice Add Features - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #inventions, #simplicity, #engineers, #complication, #complicated, #coffee, #mug, #overthinking

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Wally: Our boss asked me to totally ruin my double-handled coffee mug invention by adding features. I am asking each of you to suppress your engineering impulses just this one time and let this perfect product stay perfect. Dilbert: It would be perfect if it had wi-fi and a projection keyboard. Alice: Maybe add some health sensors and GPS.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceos, #executives, #leadership, #threat, #internet, #ruin journalist, #off the record, #reporters, #bar conversation, #negative article, #criminally insane, #brillaunet writer, #venn diagram, #technology

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Dilbert: There's a bad story about you on the Internet. Apparently, you described a plan to "ruin any journalist who writes an unfair story" about us. CEO: That was off the record! Dilbert: You said it in front of a dozen reporters at a business event. CEO: It was just bar conversation. I was making a point about fairness. Dilbert: Hmmm... but now no sane writer would write a negative article about us. I can't tell if you're a brilliant leader or criminally insane. CEO: I'd show you the Venn diagram they gave us in CEO school, but it just looks like a circle.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #holidays, #laziness, #trust, #work ethic, #telecommute, #bring kid to work, #work from home, #distrust, #corrodes motivation, #toxic environment, #ruin naps

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Wally: Is it okay if I telecommute on "Bring Your Kid To Work" Day? I'll show my kid how I work from home. Boss: How would I know you were working? Wally: What??!! That is exactly the sort of distrust that corrodes the motivation of employees! How can I feel good about my job in this toxic atmosphere? Boss: Okay, okay. You can work from home on "Bring Your Kid To Work" Day. Dilbert: You don't have a kid. Wally: I hear they ruin your naps.