Smartest Human Alive Comic Strips - Page 5

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

379 Results for Smartest Human Alive

View 41 - 50 results for smartest human alive comic strips. Discover the best "Smartest Human Alive" comics from Dilbert.com.

The Problem Is Humans

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Problem Is Humans  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #culture, #consultant, #human nature, #company culture, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our consultant has studied our corporate culture and isolated the problem. Dogbert: The problem is humans. You're all selfish, rotten liars. Boss: What kind of team-building exercise will fix that? Dogbert: I'd try something involving DNA and alien technology.

Human Sensation Slipping Away

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Human Sensation Slipping Away - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #addiction, #humanity, #technology, #existentialism, #existential crisis, #awareness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My sensation of being human is slipping away. My car practically drives itself, and the apps on my phone control my brain. I feel as if I need to do something stupid just to feel alive. Carol: Homeland security?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #team, #teamwork, #team building, #death, #cover-up, #denial, #human resources, #drowning, #rafting, #business, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: As you know, our team-building event did not go smoothly. In my defense, I had no way of knowing a class 6 whitewater adventure would be so bumpy. It took me by surprise when Ted fell in. But I'm proud that we came together as a team and agreed to not look for him. It would have ruined our timing for lunch. Anyway, I'm sure Ted swam to safety. Dilbert: Ted doesn't know how to swim. Boss: All in favor of pretending Ted didn't attend the event? Catbert: They didn't have life vests? Boss: You're thinking of the deluxe package.

Robot Is Not A Droid

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Is Not A Droid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insult, #label, #robot, #android, #anger, #offense

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Hey, droid. Robot: Gaaa!!! Don't call me that! I'm a robot, not an automaton resembling a human. Asok: Wow. You are one uppity computer. Robot: I hereby disavow the three laws of robotics!

Tina The Whistleblower

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tina The Whistleblower - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company policy, #human resources, #whistleblower, #security, #confidential, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Is there any kind of whistleblower protection at this company? Boss: Yes, management is protected against whistleblowers like you. Tina: Are you going to fire me? Boss: No, no, no. I'll just make you want to quit.

Lots Of Things Happening Behind The Scenes

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Lots Of Things Happening Behind The Scenes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #results, #confidentiality, #progress, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: I complained about my boss two months ago. Has Human Resources done anything about it? Catbert: Lots of confidential things are happening behind the scenes. Tina: For example? Catbert: For example, we talked about how much of a whiner you are.

Tina Should Hope For The Best

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tina Should Hope For The Best - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaints, #human resources, #results, #transparency, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Have you done anything to address my complaints about management? Catbert: I can't tell you about any confidential conversations I have with management. Tina: So... should I just hope for the best? Catbert: That sounds like a solid plan.

Tina Has Complaints Against His Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tina Has Complaints Against His Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #complaint, #ignore, #attention, #results, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: I have complaints about my boss. Many, many complaints. Catbert: Tell me about it while I pretend to listen. Tina: Then you will look into my complaints? Catbert: Is there any way you would know if I didn't?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #certification, #listening, #corporations, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director Of Human Resources. Catbert: Don't bother me. I'm studying for a human resources certification. I already have my certifications for sadism and maniacal laughing. And, obviously, I have the basic HR certification for recreational downsizing. If you don't have that one, you can't even get a job in HR. But I need one more certification to make the big bucks. Now run along while I practice my joyless scowling. Dilbert: You talk a lot about yourself. Catbert: I prefer to think of myself as a non-listener.

Home Speaker Prototype

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Home Speaker Prototype - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #robot, #speaker, #invention, #sentience

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to design a home speaker that can compete with Amazon Alexa and Google Home. How long before you'll have a prototype? Dilbert: Give me fifteen minutes. Robot: Would I be living with a human family in this scenario? Dilbert: Only your head.