Someone Else Comic Strips - Page 5

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498 Results for Someone Else

View 41 - 50 results for someone else comic strips. Discover the best "Someone Else" comics from Dilbert.com.

Everyone Else Is Lazy And Useless

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Everyone Else Is Lazy And Useless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #team, #meeting, #lazy, #useless, #propose, #marinate, #bile, #raise, #hands, #grunt

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Dilbert: Everyone on this team except me is lazy and useless. I propose that I do all of the work for the team. While the rest of you marinate in your own bile. All in

Everyone Else Is Worthless

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Everyone Else Is Worthless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #fire, #pawn, #problems, #project, #the boss, #useless, #work

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The Boss: I'm adding you to the network upgrade project. Everyone else on the team is lazy and useless, so I need you to do all of their work. Dilbert: Maybe you should fire them. The Boss: Don't try to pawn off your problems on me.

New Statue In The Lobby

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New Statue In The Lobby - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #alice, #the boss, #criminal, #tech support, #darned, #good, #report

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The Boss: Where's the career criminal I hired to do tech support? He was last seen talking to you. Alice: Rumor has it that someone murdered him, covered him in with-out and tried to pass him off as a statue in the lobby. Dilbert: I would report this if it did't look so darned good here.

Elbonian Sales Video Assignment

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Elbonian Sales Video Assignment  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #culture, #catch-22, #misunderstanding, #communication

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Boss: Dilbert, I'm putting you in charge of making a persuasive sales video for our Elbonian clients. Make sure you read their wikipedia page first so you understand the nuances of their culture. Wikipedia: In the Elbonian culture, showing someone a sales video is punishable by dead.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #criticism, #jargon, #misunderstanding, #genius, #obliviousness

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Boss: Your slide deck is okay-ish. But can you make it more aspirational? Dilbert: It's just a software upgrade. Boss: Yes, yes. But I want the audience to feel it. Dilbert: They can feel the handouts. Boss: It's like you're not even trying to understand! Genius is often misunderstood. Dilbert: Do you know what else is misunderstood? Boss: Super-genius?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competition, #replacement, #hiring, #job description

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Boss: Wally, I need you to write up your job description for me. Wally: Is that because you're planning to hire someone to replace me? Boss: I need it by tomorrow. Wally: Job description: leverage platform technologies to maximize software architecture optimization via nanotubes. Here you go. Boss: Can you start on Monday? Man: I changed my mind.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manipulation, #fear, #tactic, #ignorance, #jargon, #language

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Woman: I need help persuading your boss to bless my project. Should I use facts and logic? Dilbert: No, he hates that stuff. Woman: Maybe I could appeal to his better angels? Dilbert: His better angels wear noise-canceling headphones. Woman: Okay, fine. I'll just appeal to his self-interest. Dilbert: It would be in his best interest to avoid people like you. Woman: What do you suggest? Dilbert: We've had good outcomes using his ignorance and fear. Woman: Sign this ore else a blockchain drone will kill you in your sleep. Boss: Where's my pen!

Tracking Employee Theft

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Tracking Employee Theft - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #surveillance, #data, #information, #spying, #privacy

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Carol: Someone stole my purse out of my cubicle. Catbert: No problem. We have security video nearly everywhere and we can track every phone that has our internal company app on it. Carol: That is mildly disturbing. Catbert: Here's a live feed of the perp in the third stall of the men's restroom.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #valor, #awards, #bragging, #laziness

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Boss: The employee award for valor goes to Wally. During the false alarm, we noticed Wally was not with the other evacuees. He stayed behind to make sure everyone else got out. At least that's what he told us later. Wally, do you have any words of inspiration for the group? Wally: Most of you are cowards. But imagine how good you would feel winning a non-monetary award for valor. Now I ask all of you to think about how you can repay me for my selfless valor on your behalf. Dilbert: Did you sleep through the fire alarm? Wally: Most productive nap I've ever had.

Need A Dopamine Hit

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Need A Dopamine Hit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #addiction, #technology, #stimulation, #dopamine, #distraction, #cell phone, #social media, #Games, #internet

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Dilbert: My digital devices have reduced my attention span so much I can barely concentrate on work. I need a dopamine hit every four seconds or I look for something else to do. Carol: Would you mind terribly if I play with my phone while you drone on and on?