Stealing.No Choice Comic Strips - Page 5
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Share August 20, 1997's comic on:
Recruiting on Campus A jock reaches out to shake Dilbert hand. Dilbert says, "Nice to meet you..." The jock crushes Dilbert hand. Dilbert screams. The jock gives Dilbert a wedgie and says, "I have to be honest; your company isn't my fist choice."
Share March 02, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert stands in the bedroom tying his tie. He tells Dogbert, "Our new CEO will be announced today, Dogbert." Dilbert continues, "Rumor has it that they picked a tall caucasian male with no experience in our industry." Dilbert continues, "I can't wait to hear the bizarre logic behind this choice." Dogbert says, "I like your necktie. Is it new?" Dilbert replies, "Shut up." A man stands at a podium and says, "Our new CEO has never worked in our industry, but that's exactly what we were looking for . . ." The man continues, ". . . Because we wanted a CEO who doesn't know what can't be done!" The men prepare to shake hands, but the CEO offers his left hand. The man whispers, "Other hand . . . Other hand." The CEO asks, "Why?" Dilbert says to Wally and Alice, "He looks a bit overqualified." Wally says, "I really took the wrong approach on my resume."
Share July 07, 1996's comic on:
The Boss tells Dilbert, "I'll be writing your performance review this afternoon." The Boss continues, "But this morning I'm helping my daughter sell cub girl cookies." The Boss continues, "For your shopping convenience I have assigned a name to each volume level." Dilbert reads, "Zero to four boxes is the 'downsizer' volume . . ." Dilbert reads, "Five to eight boxes is the 'low performer' volume level." Dilbert writes on the order form and says, "Let's say six hundred boxes." The Boss says, "Ahh . . . The 'fast tracker.' An excellent choice." Dilbert asks, "What's your daughter's name?" The Boss says, "Ooh . . . Gotta go." Wally says, "I only bought twelve boxes. Now I'm the 'United Way' chairperson." Dilbert says, "I just signed your name for six hundred more."
Share January 27, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert says to the Boss, ". . . But our primary vendor can't deliver, so . . ." The Boss ignores Dilbert and thinks, "I wonder what's on tv tonight." Dilbert continues, ". . . Should we risk a lawsuit or build a product that nobody on earth wants?" The Boss thinks, "Did he ask me to make a choice?" Dilbert thinks, "Will it be a request for information or an impractical solution?" The Boss says, "Let's do both!"
Share December 03, 1994's comic on:
DOGBERTS TECH SUPPORT Dogbert sits at a desk and says into the phone, "So . . . There are three menu choices and the first two didn't work . . ." Dogbert's continues, "Some people would have recklessly tried the third choice before calling for help. But I can tell you're different." Dogbert continues, "Let's be honest with ourselves, Dave. Do you think anybody is going to read a memo from you?"
Share November 13, 1994's comic on:
The Boss stands in front of Alice, Dilbert and Al. He says, "I need to promote one of you to the district manager position." Dilbert, Al and Alice look at the Boss. The Boss says, "Dilbert, your technical knowledge is too valuable to lose." The Boss continues, "Ditto for Alice. Neither of you can be promoted." Dilbert and Alice look angry. The Boss says, "The only logical choice is to promote Al because he has no valuable knowledge." Dilbert replies, "Al??! A director??! He doesn't know what day of the week it is!! The Boss tells Al, "They're just grumpy because it's Monday." Dilbert says, "It's Thursday."
Share August 28, 1994's comic on:
Dilbert: The image ins fuzzy because the monitor has an acute design flaw. Tina: Acute? Thats an unusual choice of words. Would you have said "acute" to a mle co worker? I think not. Dilbert: It means crucial, thats all. Tina: I know what the word means! Do you think UI odnt see right through your sexist puns? Dilbert: No! I swear . it was just a poor choice of words!! Tina: Well...okay. I accept your apology this time. So whats wrong with the other monitor? dilbert: which?
Share April 10, 1994's comic on:
Tags #ammunition, #automatic weapons, #bazookas, #citizens, #conversation about guns, #dog, #gun ownership, #no ammunition, #right to own guns, #rocket launchers, #weapons of choice, #charlton heston, #animals
"What's your position on gun ownership, Dogbert?" "I believe everybody should have the right to own guns." "What about automatic weapons?" "I'm all for them." "Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers, too." "I believe that all citizens should have the weapons of their choice." "However, I also believe that only I should have ammunition." "Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of you Goobers with anything more dangerous than string." "What about Charleton Heston?" "I'd keep the string away from him."
Share October 21, 1993's comic on:
Alice stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "I'm working too many hours . . . I never spend time with my family." The Boss holds up a brochure and replies, "The company cares. That's why we've developed a program to teach you how to cope." Alice reads the pamphlet, "Celibacy and adoption - the choice for the nineties."
Share August 04, 1992's comic on:
Tags #office workers, #Dilbert, #Wally, #the boss, #understand, #sleep, #sleep deprivation, #Food, #starve, #artificial, #deadline, #ergle, #flumg, #muddle brained, #incomprehensible, #division, #manager
The Boss says to Tim, "I understand you've been going without sleep or food for days just to meet some artificial deadline." Tim mumbles incoherently. The Boss continues, "As a result, your work has been muddle-brained and incomprehensible. You leave me no choice, Tim." Wally says to Dilbert, "Tim got promoted to division manager." Dilbert replies, "I wonder if he knows it."