Top Five Comic Strips - Page 5

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378 Results for Top Five

View 41 - 50 results for top five comic strips. Discover the best "Top Five" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally Comes In Early

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Wally Comes In Early - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags schedule, hours, work, trick, deception, leaving early

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Wally: Can I come in an hour early tomorrow and leave early? Boss: Yeah, okay. Wally: How about five hours early? Boss: Um... sure. Wally: Let's say eight hours early and you won't even see me.

Problem With The System

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Problem With The System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fired, bottom, firing, termination, layoff, hierarchy, logic, illogical, executives

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Boss: Company policy says I have to fire the bottom ten percent of performers, so... you're fired. Dilbert: I thought I was near the top. Boss: That was before I fired everyone below you. Dilbert: Can you see any problem with your system? Boss: Yes, it's exhausting.

Ranked By Performance

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Ranked By Performance - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags rank, success, failure, laziness, reward, work ethic, trying, effort

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Boss: I ranked all of you based on your performance. Wally came out on top because he didn't make any mistakes. Dilbert: He also didn't do any work. Wally: Why does everyone hate winners?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags diet, dating, restaurant, relationships, health

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Dilbert: It took me six months to get a reservation here. I hear the food is amazing. Woman: It sounds fantastic. It's too bad I'm on a cucumber diet. I can only eat cucumbers after five o'clock. Dilbert: Well, it seems you have squandered my invitation to fine dining. Now my plan of sharing a culinary adventure is just a sad commentary on the casual rudeness of life. Can I expect you to complain about the quality of your cucumber and send it back? Waiter: We don't have cucumbers.

Wally's Inappropriate Attire

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Wally's Inappropriate Attire - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dress code, outfit, crop top, deception, ploy, trick, telecommuting, laziness, work ethic

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Boss: That is inappropriate office attire! Go home and work remotely for the rest of the day. Dilbert: How'd it work out? Wally: Phase one was a total success. Phase two involves napping.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags design, engineering, interface, ui, obstinacy

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Dilbert: I simplified the user interface as you suggested. You wanted one button to do eleven different functions. It wasn't easy, but I think you'll be pleased. If you want me to turn up the volume... you hold the button down for exactly five seconds... then double-tap, and double-tap again. Then hold for exactly six seconds. Then press it all the way down, then halfway up, then 27 percent back down. And hold for nine seconds. Or you could admit that you don't know anything about interface design. Boss: Never!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, coding, code, control, efficiency, purpose, job, red tape, business

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Mordac: Step away from that open source code! Dilbert: Why? Mordac: Because I am Mordac, The Preventer of All Efficient Solutions in the Information Technology Realm. Dilbert: That isn't an actual job. Mordac: I was hoping it was. I lost the file with my job description. That was five years ago. I've been winging it since then. My parents taught me that I could be anything I wanted to be. And I wanted to be this. So don't use that code! Dilbert: Not even when you turn around?

Dogbert The Negotiating Expert

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Dogbert The Negotiating Expert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags money, negotiate, negotiations, racket, guest artist, josh shipley

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Boss: I hired an expert on negotiating to teach us a few things. He only costs a million dollars, and for that we get five minutes of his time. Let's get started. Dogbert: We're out of time, unless you want to renegotiate.

When Does The Motivation Start

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When Does The Motivation Start - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags effective, effectiveness, executives, motivation, eric scott

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Dilbert: In the meeting, you said you are the best at motivating. I was wondering when you plan to start, because I could use some motivation. CEO: I've been doing it for five years. Dilbert: At work?

Fbi Has Been Tracking Asok

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Fbi Has Been Tracking Asok - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags terrorism, terrorist, radicalization, extremism, frustration, manager, leader, fbi

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Man: We've been tracking an accused terrorist named Asok. We believe he was radicalized here. Woman: What did you do to him? Boss: Leadership? Man: Yup. That's the top cause.